Cheers to an Amazing Christmas and all the wonderful people who made it such a trip!!

I'm off to take a little vacation, "Twinkle Twinkle". But I thought I'd leave you with a little eye candy, mostly for my own pleaser and future reminiscing!

I love you ALL So very much, thats a fact!!

YAY its YOUR birthday!!

This is a rushed post about one of my very cool brothers, Jesse. Happy birthday man

I have little time to express how amazing you are Jesse, so here goes

I love your smile

You always smell good

If you caught on how cute you are, we would all be doomed. Thank God you have other brothers to make you think your the ugly duck when ur really already the swan... but like a big (not gay) swan that like, can fly and shoot fire from his eyes... cool no??

You love Jesus

Your strong when every one else is not

I miss you

You make me laugh like a fool

I miss you

Your not a fool

I miss you... get a girl friend will you!!

HAPPY Birthday!!



Closure and an overdue tribute

There is a sign in the waiting room of a funeral home in El Paso Texas that gives its readers an idea of what to expect when going through the loss of a loved one. I found it quite acute. First there is denial, thats the funnest part cause your expecting Ashton to jump out any moment "You just Got Punked"! Then shock, That would be when you walk, happy as a peach, into a room full of people who surge forward to embrace you when you yell out "Stay the Fuck Away From me"! all the while still peachy. If you think that's harsh, wait till we get to the next step, anger. That would be when you run four miles without warning to determine for yourself where the body was found, demand to know who's it was and collapse into the Motele manager's arms who, seeing you out of breath and out of your mind, graciously gives you a room for the night and coffee and donuts the next morning. If the sign had mentioned anything about the sleaze bag who offers you a ride home the next morning just to try and take advantage of you despite your puffy eyes and their obvious explanation, you would definitely Walk Home. But unfortunately, thats the hard part about losing your dad, hes not there to beat the guy senseless.
Then finally, there is a long period of depression before reaching the last step which is closure.

Now every one has their way of finding closure and it varies from person to person. For me, closer wasn't something that I needed to happen, it was something that didn't happen. Our dear Lord who had given me many other premonitions and "epiphanies" in the past had neglected to clue me in on my father's very untimely death. It was quite odd as he was strong and healthy as an Ox, I was finally done with school and ready to start pursuing my profession recking havoc on civilization as we know it. Had it not been for my dad's passing on I would have never considered the Family. I joined to make him happy, it was what he wanted and I was sure to give it my best shot just so I could say "there, I did it". I guess dad knew there were more affective ways to leave a dent in "The Man's"Cadillac.

So I was given a chance to join a home in Houston and there I was, a fish out of water trying to make sense of things. The Family is a spiritual movement, if I couldn't establish the reason behind all the seemingly unnecessary pain, then there was no place for me here.

When I found my closure I was sitting alone in my room begging the Lord for a sign that life wasn't just a string of coincidences.

It was behind a drawling of my personal heroine. I love clowns so I drew him with a painted face. He is my champion and I would often look at him when things seemed to go sour. He was sticking out to me and I felt the need to hold him. Sketch paper is transparent, my closure was seen scribbled though the left bicep. I don't remember ever writing it but its in my hand writing and undeniably my bad spelling. There is no explanation for it as I had never been in love nor had any reason to write something so dramatic. Its a lame poem but I hope my explanation justifies it.

I feel that if you asked me to move on it would kill me but I know its something we'll all have to do

It hurts to even think of a life with no you

when will time age your memory when will I get over you

You've brought me out of the dark but I'm still afraid to move

You've given me light, but now what do I do?

I know I must make new memories and abandon the old

but how do I start to even begin to forsake the pasts hold, and face the wind.

The Lord has closure for all our unanswered questions, he just wants to make sure we are asking the right ones.

I wish I had filmed all of your great moments, every stupid joke that sent you keeling over with laughter, every bad Dr Evil impersonation, every mischievous grin. I wish I had told you I loved you while squeezing you in my arms more often. I wish I had told you how totally bad ass you were and how all the kids in school thought you were a celebrity.

If I could repair any single moment it would be this one, I would turn to say good bye, look cheerfully into your green eyes, I wouldn't say anything but I would probably laugh a little, and when you'd return the laugh, perhaps a little bewildered, I would seal that moment into my memory. I wouldn't need to say anything because you could always read my mind. Then I would get out of the car and NOT slam, but close the door behind me.

Just for you to know, I aspire to be like you as your more splendid self. I owe you the brilliant concept of living life without giving a damn about what every one else is doing. You were the freak show, the overwhelming force that sent some screaming while others flocked to shelter themselves in your good nature. Thank you for bringing color into a dry world full of grey squares. cheers to the Sagittarius!






Nicole and all you other rockin fire balls!


Happy Birthday Big Boy

I don't know about you, but my Christmas push has been AWESOME! This is what they mean when they say "Christmas Push" people, wake up, get the hell out and stay out! Sing at the top of your lungs while marching up and down the mall in full feathery, Christmas-geek attire. Sell as many CD cards as your basket will carry at the local night spot, by way of flirting with as many old rich guys as possible. ( Kisha and Nichole are Top Dogs in this aria.) Never has bright red lip stick looked so damn good, never have plat forms hurt so freakin bad.
Hit every car at the gas station. Plan/host benefit dinners, take a day to recover. Then, back to busking and singing our Merry little hearts out. Oh I know you would give anything to hear my voice go horse and crack out loud while trying to belt out "silent night", Rachelle Spring is our shiner! Those early morning vocal work outs DO pay off people!
But until that faithful day when your right next to me and I squeal my way through a "Con Me Borrito",(is that with two Rs?) photos will just have to do.

trust me, She's always this warm and fuzzy ...


Hey guys! Pray for me mKay??
My world is about be be outrageously rocked (again) and I can't wait to see where on God's green earth I shall end up... who knows, maybe I'll wander up to ur doorstep and let myself in... my next room mate could be YOu, or YOu, or yes.. even YOU!
Actually, I have this feeling I'll wined up some place very remote where I'll end my days quietly trimming roses, polishing wine glasses that haven't been used in centuries! That would be quite a change no? Change is good, when ever I think of change, I think of being rapped helplessly in menacing, yet hopelessly mysterious arms, my conflicting emotions "Yes, NO, Yes, No, Yes, no, YES"!
As you can imagine, I'm a little on the nervous side, quiet and collected yes, always, but my voice tends to give way to restrained emotions like "Hey Rachelle, these beans are super gOOOOD!!
Don't worry, I finally have a clue of the Lord's objective in making me run around like a chicken with my head cut off. You see, as many a wise doctor will conclude, the best way to get an insane person well, is to help them confront their insanity until they become board of it and simply grow out of it, like a teen age obsession relatable to wearing baggy pants, Sponge Bob under-wear, or black lip liner.. Don't look at me that way, Sponge Bob taught me a lot about positivity, he is an icon for many a morbid youth.
So All I have to do is continue never knowing who, what, where or when, until I finally grow mature spiritually and have greater faith to ask the Lord for step by step, Exact direction.
simple as pie



And NOW....................................My Stunningy Sexy Photo, taken in my very own messy closet!!

for other great sites go here


The Illuminati hates Beans

Do you know why Brazilians have such amazing physiques? It's the beans I tell you!
There isn't a decent place you can go to eat here that wont offer a variety of bean plates. Even the smaller restaurants always have black beans and rice.

The first home I came to in Brazil would pretty much eat beans for lunch five days out of the week. It took some time to get accustomed to it, but now when I don't have beans served with a meal at least 4 times a week, I start to twitch; feel like something is missing.
Nothing can satisfy you like some well made black beans and whole rice, with just these two you are guarantied ALL the vitamins and minerals a healthy minded person would strive to obtain in a well balanced diet.
It seems to me that the lower class Brazilians are even MORE fit then ones who have the cash to eat out every meal. We all know beans are dirt cheap so my theory is,... the poor have healthier bodies because beans are pretty much all they can afford!
I think we should have a bean revolution in the Family, maybe even write a GN about it.
I only wish I had eaten more beans as a child.
If your a dieter and eat salad for your main-corse, you may notice yourself hungry all the time and feeling like you could topple over if some one even blew on you, "TRY BEANS"! They'll make you feel healthy, help you slim down, and make you feel well fed.
If your a guy trying to build extra muscle but all that starch is slowing down your routine, "TRY BEANS"! They'll feed your muscles and give you a high relatable to three cups of coffee without leaving your head feeling heavy that way you can burn more fat and make more muscle!!

I am starting to believe the Illuminati down plays them because they want us to be weak and deprived of healthy lifestyles.
SCREW those freaking salad diets girls... they are leaving you pail and thin! Beans will help you lose unwanted wait and also tighten you up; you can forget about taking extra vitamins to compensate for the lack of nutrition in your cabbage diets!
I almost want to have my own kids JUST to make them learn bean nutrition facts. I'll like, raise a horde of athletes!
I mean, just look at the logistics, Brazil has the best soccer team IN THE WORLD... "BEANS"! The players eat beans!!
They are yummy too, Black beans are my personal favorites, throw in some whole rise and you have a full meal, you don't even need a salad!


For centuries, dried beans and other pulses have served as a primary protein source for many cultures. Dried beans and their cousins still are dietary staples in many parts of the world, though "modern," but not necessarily healthier diets are supplanting these nourishing foods from everyday and customary consumption. While developing countries’ populations may be turning away from highly nutritious and indigenous foods such as beans, many consumers in wealthier, more developed countries are adding more dry beans to their diets. Growing interest in various ethnic cuisines and knowledge of the benefits of eating more plant-based foods are contributing to renewed research and increased popularity and consumption of beans in certain countries.


According to the United Stated Department of Agriculture, analyses show that people who eat beans consume more vitamins and minerals than individuals who don’t eat beans.

A serving – 1/2 cup of cooked dry beans – supplies about 120 calories and lots of complex carbohydrates, though beans offer a low-glycemic index value. In other words, the carbohydrates in beans do not cause as quick or as steep a rise in blood sugar as do many other carbohydrate-rich foods.

Beans are a good source of B vitamins including folic acid. Beans also provide the minerals iron, potassium, selenium, magnesium and even some calcium. Dried beans and their cousins also are a good source of insoluble fiber, which promotes digestive health and relieves constipation. Beans also provide soluble fiber, which can help reduce fat levels in the blood.

Beans provide little fat and absolutely no cholesterol.

Don't be a fool, eat more beans!! Start today. I mean, where do you think we get all this sex-appeal.. do you think it just falls from off our Trees??

Sorry I could find nothing better to post about


fighting skills

do you ever get discouraged with yourself? I mean, so discouraged that you feel like throwing in the towel; you can't do jack right. You hate the way you talk, look, act, then you fall into this state of mind and the worse you seem, the worse you get.
You know the devil is fighting hard, but then again, he always is and the fight seem so ...traditional.
You look at the old promises the Lord gave you and they seem almost unrealistic.
You fall, and fall into a spiritual depression. Then you realize, you never got better, you were always a mess.
What was it then that carried you through some amazing times of braking and re-making?
You know only the Lord can take you through it, but some how the enemy has gotten in and now, you even have a hard time seeing the Lord's love for you and His plan for your life.
May I suggest more word time? Might I add a good slap in the face! I mean, YEAH" who ever said you were supposed to have already finished the fight? Who told you you were perfect anyway?
look what I just read from the "nothing is too hard for Jesus"GN, paragraph 72.

The Enemy knows that if he can get you to doubt the fundamental truth, whether by condemning you and reminding you how short you fall, or by making you wonder when the battle will ever end, or bringing up some mistake or sin in your heart, or what ever other tactic he might try--- if he can make you wonder whether you can be victorious, or whether it is possible to win the battle, then he has taken away your faith, your most powerful weapon. He has effectively disarmed you and anything you do from that point on, until you regain your knowledge of that basic truth, is just going to wear you out and be so much waist of effort. Because your faith, My loves, is the victory that over comes the world.


So then I started thinking, man, I wrestle not against flesh and blood but against the spiritual rulers of the darkness of this world. That means that this whole world is against me, US, the chosen of God.

prg 66. You are wrestling against Spiritual opponents that are strong and devious, and they will make things rough on you.

Why would Hell ever give up for one second to take a time out?
The other day we were discussing how the Witches and Warlocks seem to have a better relationship with their God then most Christians do with Jesus. They have a lot of faith in their demons/imps and spells but where is our faith in our spirit helpers and the many weapons of the spirit?
God forbid we should ever cave into a lesser power. For all of heaven is on our side, there is no weakness in us that can't be over-shadowed by Jesus' perfection. And if the devil can get us to hate ourselves enough, then he has given The Lord the room to shine all the brighter. When I hate myself it just makes me love Jesus more.
But some times these attacks can be so powerful that even our connection is hindered because we feel the Lord doesn't want to be bothered with our problems, maybe he is discouraged with us.

prg 83. When you feel that he is attacking your link with me, telling you that your worthless or that I don't love you, that you've messed up too many times, when you feel your mind and sences are relentlessly being bombarded with his thoughts and lies and fears and pictures, when you feel that your barely hanging on, or that the life of some one you love or are Shepherding is at stake and you don't know what to do, you MUST go deeper into me.

He doesn't expect to much of us, he is always comforting and gentle. Discouragement just begets discouragement, its one of the oldest tricks in the book, don't let the devil use it on you, and if he does, huff, just blow it off, no big deal. Happens to every one from time to time.
Keep fighting fighters!!


Let me sow love (aka, food and toys

so here is a bit of Cheer for you... my dear :D

Jess and I sorting through toys for our CTP project.

Rafa and I helping make bags of food for a favela!

TYJ for all the many ways you show us to be your love to other's however insignificant.


(22 yr ol) - A idade do louco

I don't feel like birthdays are much to fuss over anymore. I didn't have anything spacial in mind but I just knew I didn't want the usual party,. I had planned a day at the beach but its been raining so the that will have to wait till cheerier weather.
Then, our sheep ( Lord willing new disciple, please pray for him because the devil is putting up a lot of glitter to get him to forget the idea of joining. His name is Rafa) called and wanted to throw together a trip up the Mountains. We had been talking about it for a while but being that the next day was my birthday, it was the perfect excuse to just DO IT.
things weren't looking too promising with the weather and all; I still had a lot of work to do around the house, but there comes a time when you have to stop being a martyr and say "hell yes I'm going to spend the night on a mountain with you"! I prayed the Lord would hold the rain for me and sure enough he did, Thank you my love BTW, you have the best ways of surprising me.
Getting away from everything has been my greatest desire for the last few months, thus the poem just below.
So, to make a long climb and a totally righteous night short, I'll post the pictures.

Umm, star gazing

the fight for early morning last drop

the fight for privacy

In Brazil they say "A idade dos locuos e 22" (22 is the age of crazy people) Thanks to the guys we did my 22th birthday justice. Tks so much Mala, Rafa and Jesus... I love you


Peanut Butter & Frogs & Kisha

( The Arrival )
She had a bewildered look on her face, mostly fear... as if we would ever forget her at a foreign Air Port.
"Kisha is home" and acquainting herself with her new bed.
Travel rocks, even the lumpy seats that refuse to give into your back-side are part of the traveling experience. I miss traveling myself, Kisha has had enough for now.

I brought along a hefty piece of our home's famous banana bread to nourish her. She felt sick so I put it back in my purse where it is still, soggy and losing luster.

(Answered prayer)
I would like to thank every one (mostly the right on prayers of Ivan the Ho), Tks Da, the lump on my foot was stomped on by a throng of samba dancers. He (Edd) is now healing well and soon I'll be ably to enjoy jogging again even though the Doc recommended I didn't. what do doctors know anyway?
Thanks so much Mom for coming threw with my new jogging shoes. They are pink, some how I don't think you forgot not to get pink...but hopefully with enough running in the mud they can be turned to the darker side!! JJK, I'll take good care of them.

( Foreign Delights)
Along with such things as new shoes, Kisha brought me....drum roll.....Rrrrrrrrrrrppppp>>>PEANUT BUTTER!! AHAHAH.
Here peanut butter is pricy. I asked her to get it but didn't think she got the offline. That just goes to show how much Kisha rocks! Finger Licking Good!!
So after talking her into a stupor, we played a few songs and she passed out.

I then went off to "deep clean" where I found yet another little joy to make this day the coolest day in a while... a wittle wittle frogy on the window just above the sink. As the rain comes down the frogs come up! He had big bright eyes and was all slimy and brown, brown because he was on a wooden slab, but these little guys will change color at will. He tried to escape me but I simply had to have him, I held him as my captive for a moment. Slimy yet satisfying!
I wish frogs would love us as much as we love them... but I sensed he didn't, so, as with all my relationships, I some what reluctantly tossed him out the window. Wahaha... I've moved on.

I love you



I want to take you to this spot
its a clearing on a mountain top
I've seen it just outside my window

I don't know if you like these sort of things
but thought it would be sweet
to sit still and watch green things grow

Because I've been getting weaker
my outlooks become bleaker
Its been so long since I've seen a patch of sky

And if I don't get there soon
I swear I'll be doomed
to live an average life

We could take nothing
all I need is your loving
to give me strength for the climb

And our growing imperfections
will be overshadowed by His creation
the higher we go the better

Rescue me from my window
the valley totally blows
they can't stop us if we do it together

Lets run away, the more the merrier
I miss you


to pose or not to pose...post the pose!

Nicol is a sweetish kind of girl, the kind of girl who doesn't like to be left alone; she doesn't like to perform Jesus job time alone, sleep alone, or even take pictures alone..thus the Mclay ruining the picture. Its ok, I'm over it and so it she...

So now that we covered our white girl, lets move on to our local black man/ close friend.......

Tiago (excellent guitarist from my last blog) comes over some times to help us girls with our "very stringent" work outs.
See, as my closer friends already know, my body just loves to be fat. It's the way God mad me, or maybe subconsciously I've been trying to please my brother who loves having a squishy little sister to poke fun at.
Trust me poeple, I'm very dedicated to exercise, any one else who worked out half as much as I do would be a Brittny Spears by now, but I on the other hand always seem to reach this place where my fat JUST WONT melt away. So I hired a pro...

I figer I should look like Tiago in about a year, who knows... maybe I'll even shave my head!
don't worry, I'm really not planing on looking like Tiago...this pic?...is for fun.
Also pray for me as I've had to trade running for walking (plaughhh) due to a painful lump on my foot! His name is Edwardo and the doctor said if he starts to grow we'll have to cut him out of my bone...NOOOOOO!!!
So walking it is!



You know what I love about Jesse? He's got conviction in his style.

You have to be brave to try and make music for the Family as you'll meet a lot of criticism.
There is always that fear that people will think your a "total Poser" or conceded. Like that version Jesse did of "My Quest", I was shocked to hear so many people bash it. Well Jess, I thought it was brilliant, and I was sure to say so!
Thank you for sharing your music and sweet face with us. This song was just in season for me.
So let this one stick to your brain people, I love the part where Jess is playing the song for two guys!

Don't be afraid of stepping out, let us hear your voice; some will love it, some will hate it, but all should remember it, thats all that counts.


love advice from loser

for a while there I believed guys had issues, now Im very surprised to find the fault may be mine.

Don't you just love being able to hold some one, tell them deep thing and roll around in the sand without that awkward feeling of "am I acting twitterpaited"?
Some times I think I've found the perfect guy pal, we'll dance, be foolish; right now, thats just enough.
Sure if the Lord thinks I've been a good girl and decides to reward me with a smashing/young/bull-fighter/Mountain climbing/Rock n Roll/Tree hugging/sappy love machine, then I'll in no way be disagreeable.
But when is it safe to say lets just be friends? And why, when the guy sees you're just down for a hiking buddy, do they treat you like your some kind of Jezebel? It's not fare I tell you, all the more so when the guy already has a reputation for sack raising.

Don't act like she broke your heart, you never planned on giving it to her. Don't make her feel like crap 5 years too late, acting smug all the while, pretending to be friendly when your really harboring bitterness and just waiting for a chance to give her a piece of your mind.
Every one needs friends, even I do, that's why I'll send you things in the mail, write you poetry, pray for you when your going through it; that's why I try my best to remember birthdays and make stupid jokes that will hopefully make you laugh but more likely make you feel like blocking me.

I don't have a secret agenda. I'm not a man, I wouldn't bother staying in touch with some one who lives on the other side of God's green earth just to possibly get lucky. If I write you, if I pray for you, if I send you stupid jokes and do my best to remember your sign, its because I love you.

I know its all my fault, I was stupid. Maybe I feel responsible for you or like I owe you a secret debt; or maybe people are not supposed to be friends after they've been "friends".
Maybe I should leave it alone.
Maybe ex-lovers make better friends. Maybe if we can learn to forgive, apologize, and maybe even erase the ugly parts, we can behold the person who we once loved and love them still.
I don't need to sell myself to you, life brings much variety and there is always a new experience around the corner, but by remembering you I'm teaching myself that nothing is lost when we realize we would never have made it this far without leaving old land marks behind.

We do not erase our love, we purge it and try our best to remember it in its purest, most innocent form.
To all the Xs


the quick n ugly version

Hello my love, we need to up date you yes?

From the far, dark, fierce continent of Africa hails a blue eyed, flaxen beauty!
So far she is sticking out quite nicely making a splash of colour in the midst of all us brownies; like the cream swirl on a death by Chocolate dessert.
I am enjoying her every so much (twinkle, twinkle). So much so, that I feel a little extra love time with Jess is in order to keep from creating favourites.

But don’t worry you Sagittarius birds, there is enough of me to go around. And as if living with two chicks that embody all that I loved in Niki isn’t enough, guess who is also coming to live with me?? Guess, guess!!
My little sister! You didn’t know I had one did you? Well neither did I, actually she is the only one who thinks she is my little sister but I welcome it with an abundance of joy as I’ve always wanted one.

So along with filling the lodge with revolutionary girls from across the seven seas, we have been up to other things…things like throwing massive parties.

We planed long and hard, the theme of the party was to be like a lounge scenario, all the girls would dress like go-go girls, serve drinks, and then a few of us would give a strip teas to the elated birthday boy.

Everything went just as planed until as guests began arriving, so did two of our sheep. A major set back as we had to scratch the sexy costumes, throw out the strip tease, and go into witnessing mode.

The culprit responsible for inviting the Activated members was none other then the birthday boy himself.

But with Rachelle behind the bar and the full support of our assigned hosting squad, the party was a smash hit and every one (including the JT chair-persons of half the world's major continents) we're very pleased.

Enjoy the photo show "Happy brithday Mala, we adore you"

in the end Mala got the pool


arms that hold us back

lately I've been down... every one is down so I don't claim special sobbing privileges.
I wrote another cheesy poem, so here is my pitiful excuse for a heart felt post.
loving you all from Rio

Take us away from this cynical race

who's worry and fear are most prominently traced
by deep set wrinkles on a young face

Make us believe once again
. in human hearts and honest men
open the poisoned clouds to a sky that's blue

the crowning trophy for all we've been through

and if possible

trade in every damp pillow for arms that hold us back
let the will to prevail make up for all the courage we lack

I have ended my search for mythical relics
Gaiety is but an arrow, a streak of light in the dark

propelled by the laws of physics
it's wistful flight ends buried in the heart

So say nothing more of fleeting joy, she is a moment here and gone the next
my hands seek something to employ, let me toil
for a common monument

So that it may be said of me
and this without regret
"she engaged to struggle endlessly, and we are better for it".



Heads Up

Its 3:30, and where are the home's members?
Around the ritual coffee pot, today EZ made the brew. Fake ur best orgasm and there you'll have it.
Another show tonight so every one is psyching themselves out, busy people need good coffee.

Also Pedro (aka Gavin, or my personal favorite, Favor Boy) is working on the final track to Prophet David, meaning Project COG is on its way.

I would like to encourage every one who hasn't done Jack to support this motivational, pro Extreme Disciple music vid, to please send me your pictures and clips. Also thanks a bunch to those already helping out, you shall be blessed.

coffee had ended and so has post


"Who will Join my cry and forsake thier God Damnd Pride!!??

I'm feeling quite rebellious right now. That feeling when metaphoric steam starts rapidly ejecting from your nose and ears. I'm not confused, I know what my life is for, I know why I chose this life above everything else, I know why I forsook safety, lovers, dreams and family. The decisions I've made were as extreme as the lifestyle I traded them for. When I said I wanted to go all the way I took everything into account; willing to endure the cross and despise the shame. When I'm not fighting, when my sword is left hanging uselessly in it's harness, I feel the reason for my life has ebbed. How about you? Has the Core made your blood boil, has it made you sick of your own compromises? Has it made you finally chose to climb that mountain and take the beaten path that only beaten men can follow? Are you ready to be an extreme disciple? I didn't go to the XD, but the XD was a call to arms that I've been feeling for a long time. Maybe the Lord knew if I went, there would have been little or no restraint and there would have been no end to my rampage.
I have to confess something, waiting for every one to junk the punk and forsake their spiritual and physical trinkets has been aggravating. Not that I have arrived at 100% discipleship, I think the lord has put many leashes on me to teach me my own set of lessons. In fact, I think I'm answering my own question. Maybe this is why the Lord has in a sense, clipped my wings, given me a voice that doesn't sing and all those other poetic metaphors. Maybe my zeal will be my downfall. Maybe my pride is the punk that I need to junk. I just hate feeling comfortable, I can't stand feeling like I know where I'm going and I know just what the Lord's plan is. While some people might find this comforting I think it would only lead to spiritual death. At this moment I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, making me extremely edgy but confident that I'm in the Lord's will. I've dropped this massive bundle of "preconceived ideas" at His feet. Walking blindly is what makes most extreme marshal artists the masters of their trade.
I guess I'm blessed to be one of those people who don't need much to thrive, all the things that make us comfortable are the same things that lulls us into spiritual sleep (like how the worst place for a christian is a too comfortable place. For me the cost of full dedication has been much more costly then my own room, or a shelf full of accessories. If all you have to forsake is privacy, or accessories, then be thankful, it's not much compared to the freedom of the spirit, the freedom of a life thats needing nothing but the Lord.

Like St Francis told the Pope, how little faith have you to worry about what ye should eat or wear.
It is my greatest prayer that the CORE has awakened us; may we never stop to sleep; may our children be twice as rebellious as their fathers. If we can become 100% disciples, may they obtain 200%. As the world grows darker may our lights shine all the brighter to suit the obscurity. What good is a light if it dims as the darkness thickens?
I can't wait to see you on the field my love. I can't wait to see all the weight your spiritual body has lost making you the leanest, meanest spiritual fighting machine the world has ever known! In the words of Justin Spirit " I know this is where I belong"! Do you? If this is the life you have chosen, don't cheap it, don't make a mockery of it by only going half way.
You know, I used to love that song "the life of a missionary" But lately I've found it's just not enough. The world has it's missionaries and this word I think down plays what we should be focusing our training on.
What I want is the life of a disciple, the life of a prophet! Be it vulgar or zealous, I want to live like a true follower of Jesus. So to put it sweetly, "DROP OUT OR GET OUT"! Or at least stay dropped out.

Anyway, I'm crazy about you guys, Love you!


lots of things running through my head these days. Didn't catch a wink of sleep last night, the odd thing about that is I'm not at all sleepy. My desire to sleep has been overshadowed by another burning desire, a desire between me and the Lord. The thing that keeps me up tossing and turrning, sticking to my mind like an insecure child to it's mother's leg. Only I am compleatly unresponsible for this sort of obligation nor have I spawned it. I have no way of releaving myself, it's really compleatly up to the Lord, He is, after all, the one who gave me the burden. All I can do until my dreams (or rather His dreams) are made realities is focuss on today, this minuet, never beyond that. We all have various tecniques that help us cope, mine is simple; look at each moment as gone forever, find some way to enjoy that moment, sing a song, think and pray for a friend, just keep yourself entertained and ocupied. Another great one for when you start feeling restless is looking back, not the "Piller of Salf" kind of looking back, but the gratfuly remenising on how far you and the Lord have come together kind of looking back, that's when you realise just how good you have it at this moment.

As far as that irritating asperation that keeps you awak when you should be sleeping, watch the movie Brother Song, Sister Moon. Get through the whole film and ask yourself, what it means to you. Then read the CvC searese. Then maybe blog ur frustraitions without giving you're readers too much insight....


blogger's note

Please note that the blogger is discouraged. All day we have been playing way cool music (all original songs by random family youths). So so many of you are so RIGHT on with your songs. God bless you. Song after song and all I could think about was how I myself have so many that few will ever hear. Enough people write me asking me to make a CD, and all too often, I have to explain how difficult it is to get some one to produce. Shame, shame.
So then this one song came on, the guitar lead was familiar, catchy; but then the singer came in, it was pretty rough, off key, and it seemed like the singer had little experience at all doing studio vocals; it sounded like a cheap demo, it in fact Was a demo.
I asked Rachelle where she DLed the song and she wasn't sure. The fact is she WAS able to DL it, this alarming "crappy demo"! Oh, did I mention, the singer is none other then your very own "Marie Clay" Hooray!!
So please people, if you happen to hear the "redemption song" (no, not Bob Marley's) just take it with a grain of slat.
Also keep your finger's crossed as I am now manipulating some poor little 15 year old studio cat to cut a full CD for me, what do you think??


my very own little Erotica


So your a girl...no? (well if ur a boy you may want to read anyway... you could learn something)

Your hanging out with your girl friends talking about girl things and that very common question comes up "what's the first thing you look at on a guy"?
I myself have never had an answer to this question, not a real one. I shoot up random answers in agreement with every one else. Eyes, body, all are favorites. Hes charming, hes quiet... all are good answers.

But even though every guy has his cosmically fixed charm, I've always been of the opinion that guys are just guys, and I'm appreciative of them pretty much in general.

Who could be hotter then my brother Jess (17 single)

Recently, I have however, found a pattern in the guys I find attractive. They all have one shocking feature, (menacing music) "long hair" (screams). And it's really true. The first thing I look at on a guy is usually his hair!
Hair is so sexy, the longer the better. (sings) "want my hair like Jesus wore it Halleluiah I adore it"!
So then it is now my responsibility to let guys know what I find most fetching, this way maybe we can start a new trend, because nothing is sexier then having sex with a guy who's main cascades down his shoulders.

I understand that it's one thing when you've had short hair all your life, some guys DO just look better with short hair, but for those of you who have been sporting long locks your whole life, why "my love" would you cut your very sexy, very wild and totally messy hair? Why would you deprive me/us, of the right to dig digits into adorable curls, or the feeling of straight silky hair slipping through trembling fingers?
Why would you chop those lovely locks that you've grown for years? What foolish, pretty thing hath sullied your conviction?

A gypsy king and I had this talk just the other day, I begged and pleaded but was told that hair just gets in the way of sex. Don't tell me your hair never played such a sensual part in your bohemian love making? If it does start to lose its luster or becomes annoying, we can always tie it back, but once it's gone its gone! Once you cut it it will take years to recover!

So the Gypsy King called and as I was again pleading in tongues for his hair he told me he had cut it just that morning, at least about 4 plus inches, not so bad.

So please guys, grow, grOW, GROW! Don't cut your hair, I'll agree it's not for every one, your beautiful in all the many ways the Lord intended you to be, but something about hair just gets ME.
But who am I to claim any sort of authority in the northern pubic area? Its your choice, who knows, maybe this stupid post was JUST the thing some guy needed to insentivate him to grow, grOW, GROW!!