what you will never know

the most beautiful thing I have ever known
freedom, there is no fear, just the sound of your foot steps coming up there stairs, your breath on my back, your expectancy.
I know its cliche, but if only all the world could be so used to what is perfect and harmonious.
it is impossible to hold anything in this world, I know and am not at all ignorant to change, but if only this once in my life I am treated with the dignity we, as creatures built in the image of God are inclined to, I will always be grateful.
you will find that in me there is a secret well that runs deep, and from it you will receive always twice of what you have put in. I am indebted to you, indeed your slave, for what is more better fitting to describe the heart of love than a slave who is possessed without chains. my free will binds me to your servitude. I will never go back to the desolation of my past, my soul building higher walls to keep the famine out
I will never allow my heart to thirst again or to be beaten down for my longing, a longing that from birth is imparted to all men
I am now living a most envious life, a cliche 


the worst feeling in the world is the one you get when you can't do one more bloody pull up, like your mind wants to but your body just wont let you. I've been pushing myself pretty hard over the last two months, I see results but they are slow in coming. December will be my 3rd month with the cross fit academy. I wish I could be putting more time in, my schedule just wont allow for it so I try and do as much home work as possible.
There is still that feeling though, like I have to fight harder then some people, like my genetics are against me.
I just refuse to be a pudgy fitness coach! That's my drive, not impressing any one... my boyfriend like his pudgy fitness coach, I kinda do too  :) 


So I've been meaning to get in with the "cool" kids at Missioncrossfit, I don't feel intimidated too often, not because I'm much more special than the next gal, it has more to do with growing up in a "both sides, win, every one gets a shiner prize" reality, just makes me feel like every one else's equal.
In this alternate world of push hard, earn your name on the dry erase board until it's erased by the better athlete, you have to offer more than a joke or two here and there, a hand shake or a compliment. Compliments wont up your weight class that's for sure, though speed and agility might.
Above is Nick going a hurdle that is only about a foot and a half shorter than he is...Nick is six foot 8'. Needless to say the girls in this outfit don't come in to talk about the latest Kings of Leon album, they come to train till their clothes are wet with sweat and they have managed to do at least one rep more than their average best.

I have hardly shared a word with any of them until today when the chick who embodies "people will want to be you" helped me load up my weight bar, we began talking about stuff like protective gloves, she uses chalk because her hands have already developed hard callouses. "Oh so I guess with time it wont hurt too much"? I say in my most cheerful voice, "well, gloves or chalk aren't going to stop the tearing" Tearing"? now I'm scared "ya, but only when your up to doing about 100 pull ups, it'll rip"
So much for motivational girl talk, although it was insightful"... this will with time fall under the "reasons I practice dance fitness". Weight lifting is very good for building muscles "the prerequisite for any self respecting fitness coach, a few numbers well spent and free time well spent.
My first zumba class is around the bend and boy am I looking forward to it!


Three Months of Bliss

So here it is, pictures.. all I'm really good at anyway.. but each one being worth a thousand words.


a week from today

and around the same time, I will be sipping coffee and studying my book peaceably and without interruptions. My joins and limbs will be relaxed and my mind will be fully engaged. There will be no children to pick up from school, no pressing matters to attend to, no messes that aren't my own to clean, no kitty litters or cats to feed and no one trying to squeeze any kind of labor out of me, no devastating, unexpected surprises hell bent on making me rectify matters emotionally or otherwise.

I am reminding myself that everything I've worked since the beginning of this year for is only 7 days away, for certain if not for school I probably wouldn't come back to this stupid country at all. 
I only hope the short two plus months I am away will be long enough to make me forget what a complete disaster this place is long enough to keep me focused till my next opportuned exit. 


I honestly have no idea why I was born a Goode... these are the only people who really know how to drive me crazy!


Need a quick trip off??

I sometimes trip off when I am supposed to be researching, all kinds of things pop up when you use google. One of my favorite places to trip off in is this sweet little weblog. Its just for us girls, full of information and beauty secrets so I don't feel like I've completely waisted my time.
check it out



I'm not a fitness buff, I've been the chubby kid my whole life but what I am is active and maybe I've got a slight attention disorder. Its not easy for me to sit around thinking about something, the idea of choosing a career other then my choice to be a missionary was a pain in the butt.
There were a few things I felt I would be good at, like people relations (boring) a teacher (ick) maybe beauty and salon "cosmetics" (in my genetic make up and possibly still in the cards). My day to day life had one constant, one encrypted programing that I could say for sure was a part of me "A,D,D" ...or maybe just movement, dance! I could do that on a day to day basis sure.
I thus squished all the above into a box with a label on it and that label read "Group Fitness Instructor".
PR, Teaching, beauty, movement and dance! Bam!
Even with my short attention span the idea stuck and I woke with the thought every morning for about a year and a half.
Today I took my first quiz and I am proud to say I got 100%.
My first two days of study were nerve wrecking as it turns out I am having to study mostly anatomy and body science which means a lot of big words and your FULL attention is required in order to read 10 pages of pure glycolytic (a word even my spell check disagrees with) pathways.
I am still nervous but after this first quiz I am developing a little more faith in myself and the Lord's leading for this career. I know the mental stretching is only half of the job because in order to sell myself as a professional I am required to maintain utmost care of my body and condition myself as an athletic person would. I don't know how I am going to do this as my body seems immune to all forms of diet and exercise, toning is almost a foreign language I've never been able to grasp.
For now I do my best, its even tougher when you spend 3 or more hours on your ass but I am fighting along to maintain a balance that will create the perfect homeostasis for my unique body type.
Wish me the best.


Raining Money

I went to deposit a wad of cash into my account when a gust of wind blew all but a few bills from my grasp. Imagine 20s, 10s, and 5s along with a hundred plus ones exploding into the air in a burst of agonizing glory.
At first all I could do was laugh as I stood there dazed as if it was some kind of bizarre dream, I expected at any moment Bat Man and a mob of giraffes were to emerge from the bank doors and begin parading threw my falling money.
From the corner of my eye I could see my sister racing after the money, following her was a young man, an old woman and then the bank manager. Ironic as it was the one least concerned with retrieving it was the one it belonged to, yours truly. I guess I felt the way I do with most things, "why bother chasing after it?".Anything thats meant to be mine will simply follow me around".
My sister was now on all fours scooping money into her skirt. I finally came to and grabbed at fives that seemed to dance around my legs. I always feel so stupid chasing after things, is anything really worth losing breath over? Its the oddest thing but my only motivation was the calories I was sure to burn chasing my hard earned money.
As I looked around every one seemed so delighted to be running and chasing down these impossibly fast paper monies, indeed just like a dream. I wondered if any of them were planning on keeping it.
I don't think any of us thought we would manage to retrieve it all.
It was the strangest thing how we all laughed and made jokes, how could something like this happen? Never mind, it's Awesome!
If you've never seen the sky raining money you've never lived.
After there didn't seem to be any more money to retrieve I was reunited with mangled fistfuls of green . Every one was eager to see just how much we managed to get back (or rather just how much I managed to lose).
Drum Roll please" All but one dollar was unaccounted for. Its possible I didn't count it right the first time to begin with meaning ALL the money was found.
It was amazing.
The Manager of my bank loves telling people this story using "Lets see if Chase will do that for you" as a punch line/slogan.
This isn't an anecdote but if it was the lesson would be, Chase bank wont chase after your money for you. And, Don't expect some one else to reach out and obtain your dreams for you, even though they just did... in this real life story... hu....


I fished a foot ball out of the water Easter Sunday, my sister held my legs as I leaned over board doing 30 MPRs. Alcohol had something to do with it for sure but I also remember just wanting to fall off the boat, the only real danger being the boats propeller which you could probably clear relatively easily. The look on Matt's face was one of complete horror as he moved quickly to slow the boat. My sister would have been the one to snatch it if she wasn't the one holding me inside the boat.
Great time, Happy Easter!


Muscle Confusion

No we're not working out in the morning, we're working out toNIGHT!!
Just when you think it's Techno, RAP! Wait! ohh no its Metal.
Confuse the hell out of those Muscles !!


My planned summer vacation

where can you find ALL this in the same location ??

 Who'da thought
we were originally going to Germany and then France but when I saw these pictures of Albania it didn't take any guessing.


This month is going to be particularly exhausting. We are getting new jobs in the down town Houston aria (Vanessa, Sherrie and I) moving into our own place and buying another car all at once. There didn't seem to be the option of doing one of the above at a time.
it seems over whelming and some times I feel the girls don't think we can make it, at least not get everything we want all at once, we've spoken about compromising on certain things like the apartment, the one I believe we can afford would be as tropical and beautiful as living on a resort in the Bahamas and economical as well considering gas prices and how close we will be to our various work places. However, we all really want to save money, I want to go back to Bosnia in six months and Sherrie would also like a trip back to Europe. None of us want to find ourselves stuck in a situation we'll have nothing to show for after its done.
I haven't been able to sleep for a while because I am always thinking about a way to make this work, about Sadmir. He doesn't think it would be much fun coming to the US. Once in Bosnia we'll be able to go to Germany, France and maybe a few other places. He has the "not as much fun" part right.
I'm stressed, this is a rant... I just needed to vent.
I want to be on a plane again soon, I want to find myself sleeping in strong arms again. But I want to make sure I am not leaving important parts of my life undone as well, which is why I'm not in Breza right now learning to make cakes with Dade.
I just have to focus, I already know what I want and need to do first, this year better turn up with some results.


It's not an i phone

But I was offered one for the same price as this little baby. Theres something uniquely edgy about it, its design was inspired by a race car... apparently so it is!
I can't put it down, I know its more of a guys gadget but it suits me. I'm not worldly enough for an i phone but I wanted something as reliable and flexible. I know most critics wouldn't way a Droid Incredible HTC with an i phone 3G but why not? I've used both and there aren't too many differences. The photo quality is GREAT! I can't complain, I'm too wrapped around the damn thing! 


Kid Galahan

Ok so I promise to shut up about my amazing man but...
I always saw a bit of Elvis in Dade.... and I can SO do "The King"! 
As it turns out Elvis Stars in a film as a boxer where he brings my fantasy to life in "Kid Galahan"

                  And check out his cutesy little girl friend :) 

               Ya your right, never mind I'm way hotter ;)

getting back to the basics

because I'm worth it


Upon arriving there was a slight air of awkwardness. My little fire was kindled by the invitation to terminate it and I began asking too many questions and submerging every one in fine conversation :)
Unfortunately I soon became the victim of awkward vibes as the now acquainted and happy couple grew more comfortable and the need for privacy oozed from every gesture.
 A chaperone was sent for on my behalf.
I was mortified when (in a very foreign accent) he began addressing me as "babe". The horror turned to amusement that one could possibly be so arrogant as to assume I was or ever would be his "babe".
Meet Sadmir Hasani, AKA Dade.
The following day I was squired about town locked arm in arm with the very same, almost genetically modified male organism. As it turns out Sadmir is a Graduate from Serajevo's School of Culinary arts. He now owns his own Coffee shop/ pub in Breza. I supposed then that his peacock stride was accredited to being the only young man in Breza working for himself and owning his own home. Apparently I was mistaken as Sadmir is also a trained boxer, wrestler and Jujitsu ring fighter as well as fluent in three languages aside from his own. More then pretty feathers and a pocket full of dough equals Breza's finest bachelor, and all to myself  :P
I actually only spent about 15% of my time with Ivana and Damir. Sadmir shares my sense of adventure meaning we spent our time exploring Serajevo, eating out and meeting new friends.

had the opportunity to see everything, from small houses and farms way up in the mountains, to pulsing night spots and elegant social outlets. I couldn't have planned a better get away and even though my escort had to work half days and sometimes run back to the shop to make birthday cakes and the like, I was always amused by friends and local side shows. 


I found the German air port to be nothing but one big adult play ground

When you find a sex shop dead center air port, you know your in another country. These photos are of the air port in Munich. There were a lot of other mouth watering sights such as the fully armed German guards.
Sadly other then the men and sex shops, most other sights were lukewarm or just plain cold, such as the food and the weather.

Everything can cost a hideous penny... even sparkling water ended up about 10 american, not so sparkling after you get the bill!  > :( 
However, as I found on my way back through, there are ways to shop that aren't as expensive. You just have to avoid thinking like a tourist 
One inspiring feature in the Munich air port was the series of small rooms available for rent. Just think, buy a few items from the sex shop, grab one of those fetching security guards and you're only a few 00 away from a good time.

from there we were a hop and a skip away from Serajevo!