(the brake down)
Damn it! I am a strong, healthy, able body! Not a couch potato. there is too much I want to do with my life, I want to live for the Lord and do things that will take longer then this one lifetime gives me room for, I some times feel I'm throwing bits of eternity into the wind. And shooting the breeze? Who invented that? One should never shoot the breeze, its a waits of ammo. I need a target, thats it! I need to clean the girl's room, can't wait to throw away Jesse's crummy purse. And she wont be here to stop me Whahahaha. She'll be at the XD very soon.
Also, its seems Little Rock is short a gal so I have been asked to join the band. This means I am actually going to have my work cut out for me as the band has a 2 hour rehearsal 4-7 days a week. Despite my desire to fill empty space I wasn't at all thrilled. In fact I'm not really looking forward to singing in some gloomy bar scenario on my weekends. I hate system musical as well. I am going to be asking the band to add some sweet Family love songs into the ensemble.
love you all. end of ramblings
PS. Phill is coming back from the FDTP tonigh "Hurah"
Here's a clever mathematical formula that might help you answer the Questions: What is being 100% and how do I go about achieving 101%?
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 1 9 20 21 22 23 24 25 26. Then:
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
AND, look how far the love of God will take you
L- O- V- E-O-F-G-O-D
12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%
Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Love of God that will take you over the top!
You may notice I highlighted the last part. I believe it spoke more to me then the clever mathematical analogy. I thought it was just going to spell out love but in fact the best way to get to 101% was the love of God. I guess the simple four letter word love isn't enough anymore. I don't believe I'm speaking for myself when I say human love falls terribly short. Its like the Bible says about hearts growing cold. In my life the only thing that's held realistic and constant is the Love I have for the Lord and the love He has for me. Its the only thing that makes sense any more. If not for it I would for sure be overwhelmed by the depression that claims lives every day. There is no doubt in me, we are living in the hardest time the world has ever known. In times past most people would rely on (the goodness of human sympathizers) now days its commonly noted that ideas like this are naive. Inherently trusting people (after a few years running in this little rat race of ours) learn the importance of skepticism and soon join the mob of self proclaiming cynics. I have to confess, my own set of rose colored glasses had mud splattered all over them enough times that I too began gazing into that same abyss along with every one else who's hearts were broken by the cruel reality that we live in. I didn't want to be that person, I after all, love the hippie way of life! I wanted to give till it hurt, but pain itself has little say when death finally overwhelms the body's will to live. Some times its spiritual death, but even spiritual death when pushed beyond its limits becomes manifested in actual, cold and very lifeless mortality.
There is nothing to hold on to once you've reached that devastating point, at least nothing calloused hands can grab hold of, and that's when I decided the only thing that would never fail me, the only one I could ever trust would have to be the one holding on to me, this could only be the Lord. Soon I was holding so firmly to this realization that it became simple to open my life up again. What would be looked on as "setting yourself up for more let downs" became my expression of joy that truly nothing could ever leave me on the brink of that lonely abyss again so long as the Lord had me. My own love isn't strong enough to forgive, to look with blind eyes; human love is fickle and I no longer have a pedestal where I keep it. Without the Lord's love my own is nothing but petty feelings which we all know are completely unreliable.
So now when you've been hurt, don't go blaming it on love with your black and white "love hurts" "love stinks" T shirts. Real love is God, anything else is melancholy, to me its just another one of the devil's ways of defaming what he hates so much by mimicking its Creator's original and very perfect design.
Times are only going to get tougher so we all have to toughen up as well. The only way we can find a balance that's equivalent to "wise as serpents yet harmless as doves" is through God's love, because only a real shepherd or leader will lay down his life for the sheep. If your not willing to die for some one (and not just keel over and die) but die to yourself, your wants, your desires, then you need more of the Lord's love. Its for curtain bound to keep your love untouched, just like a strong anti-freezer-burn bag that will keep you safe even insude this frigid world we live in.
Try love, Real Love, God's love!!
Along with this great shot my dad took of a spider's web, please enjoy this sweet song by Esther Wild Wind! Baby Don't Cry
At this time I would like to take a moment to commend (and envy) all you who are entering the XD training camp!
I think its super exciting and so incredibly great that The Family is taking time (and clearly a lot of effort) to pour into our family youth. This has been a long time need I think.
However, some where in the mastering of this very sophisticated project, a very essential some one decided that the 21-22 year olds from places like "BRAZIL" would have to be left out of the festivities. Well, maybe its a bit unfair to call them festivities as its going to be solid hours of intense spiritual training. On the bright side or maybe just an extreme optimist's view, it could be the ultimate complement that we were not included. Perhaps the 21-22 year olds of Brazil are so spiritually enlightened that we don't need the training. However being that I am neither spiritually enlightened to the extent I would like to be, nor am I an extreme optimist, I thus went through a short lived faze of resentment along with (a poor estimate of) 3 dozen others.
I prayed and asked the Lord to cool the color of my face that had gone from a sweet tan to a horrific red. In the process our sweet lover who is always understanding, approached the matter in this very clever way.
Ehem... ""(Jesus speaking)""
My sweet love, I know you feel very left out right now, this isn't the first time you've missed the boat by only seconds and its starting to make you feel viciously singled out. I understand completely. Imagine how I felt; while all the other guys my age we preparing for romance, marriage and wealth I was preparing myself for a horrific and very lonely death. how's that for being left out.
No I'm not picking on you sweet heart, in fact I plan on making it up to you.
During this time when your room mate is away receiving her training I will be spending extra special time with you and you can eat right out of my hand and receive everything you otherwise would miss out on. If you have the faith I will reveal to you everything I am showing the others (including hot tips for sex, wink wink).
Alas, what more could I ask for then hot sex tips right from the source! I think the training has already commenced as last night I had this particularly vivid dream where... well, anyway!
Also during the XD a very special some one is coming for a little visit! Meow.
(back on the subject at hand) Please take a moment to feast on the following poem; I was inspired to write it the other day in honor of the XD.
In these intense times of preparation
cool tips for sex and masturbation
will be included absolutely, for certain
as you are propelled into this new era of action.
In order to get your fix
Along with the home's usual GN
Some must wake up at 5.60
Which is really
A dramatic take on 6: am.
Long hours will be spent receiving prophecies
Watching award winning analogies
Provided by Cringe and Stretch.
YAs will cheer
The whole home draws near
Just for a chance to watch
Two hand puppet socks
Crowd surfing at Word Stock.
Because the battle in the spirit is so thick and there is much at stake
We are encouraging you all to "shtick" and thought it would be great
If those of you who are of age
During this time are allowed to date.
Not to take things away from the focus
Because as you may have noticed
Our classes will be back to back
Indeed there will be nothing this time of "Sharing" will lack.
Peace and love to all. I love you
I meant to sit and think of something very clever to say, I meant to post this very silly song I wrote you. I even thought I should get a prophecy for you. However, as usual I lost track of time. It’s the end of my very busy day and finally I get to sit down at the computer to check my very empty mail box, that’s when I saw one of my friends status quotes. “happy Friday the 13”! Horror of all horrors, where did the time go!
So here I am trying to come up with something off the top of my head to describe just how much my brother means to me. All I can think of so say is I wish he was here with me now. I wish we were watching the Pan American games together; it all starts on Friday the 13th. I’m watching wild Brazilian dancers, they seem of be celebrating your birthday for me (Brazilian Style). I have a lot of brothers and I wish I had them all with me right now, but each brother has his place. Jay Dee’s is somewhere between me and the popcorn bowl. Even though it’s annoying that he’ll consume the whole thing within the first 5 minuets wile some how never taking his eyes off the TV, its comforting to know I can find him later in the kitchen; when no ones around he’ll be rummaging through what to other people is garbage and junk food rappers for those last tasty crumbs at the bottom of the chip bags.
There is something very comforting about his presence. He is the kind of big brother every girl dreams of. We are happiest when we don’t live together though, the terms “harlot” and “wigger” are then seen as adoring nick names.
It’s amazing to see his life moving and growing. He’ll be a daddy soon. this means I am no longer his baby and most trusted companion.
I must admit I had fun taking care of him when his heart had been broken and he desperately sought my “mothering”. I confess to feeling smug when the shit hit the fan for him so to speak. It was my chance to play the good Samaritan and show my godlike ability to forgive him for all the evil doings of our childhood. I’ve seen him morph into a caring, lovable young man through his many hurts and growing pains. Now is the part where he reaps the happiness he gave to the Lord so long ago. The Lord is giving you back 100% of what you lost and more brother.
Jay Dee will be the best father too. When Terry is tired and the kids are driving her mad, he’ll sit them down and tell them a long, dull story about how he used to be a bastard/jerk while fondly recalling childhood memories (tackling the swarming mob of younger brothers).
I cringe at the picture in my mind's eye. If all three were to climb atop each other they would still be inches shorter then him. Not really a fair fight.
The many times he abused his weight by using it to steal food off the plates of the more meager members of our family.
Then he’ll tell them about how he met their mom and just when the kids are begging to be set free from his two hour gushing, he’ll tickle them till they either pee their pants or apologies to their mom. Who can withstand Jay Dee’s tickling sessions. His kids will probably call me as only family can really relate and sympathize with how truly frightening it is to be tickled by this monster.
So I guess all that is left is for me to do is tack of the leash and throw a stick into the wilderness. When Jay Dee looks at me with those big brown eyes as if to say “but I want to stay here with you”! I’ll burst into tears and yell “GO”. Just go, get out of here”! I’ll feel the deep burn of having to lie to him but I’ll do it knowing its for the best. He was meant for the wild after all. End of Analogy.
Happy Birthday Bro.
What a beautiful verse no?
I fire up when ever on the topic of freedom of the spirit. There is no limit. Unto the pure all things are pure.
Listen to this beautiful quote I just found.
"A Revolution is a total break with the traditions of Man & his churches & his preconceived ideas about God & misconceptions of morality. We have turned completely around & are going a different direction, no longer Man's way, but God's way, & we are free to enjoy to the full the beauties & wonders of His Creation with all of its pleasures which He Himself created for our enjoyment.
If you are not young enough in spirit, pliable enough, resilient enough & elastic enough to expand your vision & faith to accommodate this new wine of the Lord, you will certainly be unable to take what is coming & your vessel now shaken will be truly shattered! BUT THAT'S LIFE & THE REVOLUTION, WHICH IS BUILT ONLY WITH NEW BOTTLES on the broken remains of the old!"
Morality it seems has been misconstrued. Mammon has mad a mockery of freedom. The beautiful simplicity God gave us is now looked on as folly, ignorance. Even to believe in God is considered stupid, but if there is no love, no freedom, and to believe in God is wrong the I don’t wana be right!
We live in a world that tells us it alright to kill, jealousy is a healthy thing. Persecute those that persecute you.
I’ve grown sick of man’s wisdom, it stinks to God. In God’s eyes we are all naked. In His great wisdom he crafted us after his own image; our original form was bare and unclothed. Sex was his first commandment. Loving each other is our greatest evidence that we are His’ disciples.
“A revolution is a total break with the traditions of man”. Jesus broke ever damn tradition in a world that thrived off its traditions and we are still feeling the aftermath. He broke so many bottles, and I must confess is braking my very bottle today and I love it!
So we danced; Jess and I missed the memo asking no one to show up in bikinis. We were a little embarrassed at first but the Lord worked it out for the best. We danced in front of the banner to the music made by the first Family song writers. We thrust tracts into the hands of each and every soul fortunate enough to have made it that day. Souls were saved, and so was mine as I reveled in the beauty of my fellow brides; we sang and danced in a language I can barely understand. The guitars had a voice of their own.
The world needs to see the burning light of God’s few people. To my surprise we didn’t meet with many atheists or realists; instead we were met with many smilling faces thrilled to finally see the true church dancing and singing “happy is the man who’s God is the Lord”.
Brazil is in my opinion a highly self-righteous country and its morals are almost completely based on Catholicism. You can wear a thong to the beach but never walk around in a towel even in your own home. Kind of reminds me of that illustration in an old Mo letter where this woman gasps as a poor mortified guy by mistake catches a glimpse of her in her massive underwear, moments latter she comes out in a “ittsy-bittsy, teeny-weeny, yellow poca dot bikini”. Ha.
I can never pay the Lord back for giving me the Family. For giving me a radical take on free salvation and the privilege to be his wife and lover. I feel undeserving, what I give back to him is pitiful to what he’s given me. Let’s be Radicals guys! Lets be Elijah, King David, Moses, Marry Magdalene. Lets be anything but churchy!! Lets be Jesus.
Let’s see, counting with tonight we have had five parties in a row. Now call me silly but, how much longer shall we be expected to wake up at 7am, stay up late eating savory food, thin sliced, juicy, grilled steak! Not to mention all the beer a 21 year old feels is within his/her limit. Well it is true that Pedro only turns 25 once, but what about tonight? Is that massive wedding cake for Pedro as well? I can’t be expected to wake up at 7am!
Fine! I’ll go ahead and scarf down half a kilo of beef, maybe throw in some sausage! Oh, I’m taking these beers with me! And as far as that slice of cake! I’m on a diet!...so your just going to have to save it for my breakfast tomorrow, I’ll have it with my cup of ultra think coffee!
PS, when is my human pillow showing up?
Please note that the cigar belongs to one of our active members, It just went so well with the sombrero
“And the mexicans combat, exchanging blows over the thermos of Kashasa"
I keep getting sick and the weather has been cold and rainy. On top of that my good running shoes have not yet arrived from the states. When I don’t get exercise I have to diet, and that just seems to make my body weaker as I’m not getting my natural vitamins. Not to mention I’m always fighting back the twinge of hunger. Things admittedly have been pretty gloomy here. A good chunk of our teem officially left this morning. Also dear Phil went to the FDTP, Jess is away at a friends house…my Jess. I’m alone and the house is grumpy. I can tell because every where I go I feel extremely uninvited. Every room is empty and there are few people home to frolic with on this, my free day.
I will make good use of my freedom yet!
You will taste the fruits of this WR soon enough, I’m posting Anita’s song on Splat! So other then impersonating a music producer, I took some prophecy time to ask the Lord about what to do about all the issues at hand and some how my prophecy time turned into intercessor prayer.
I often don’t realize it but half of my body’s tension is due to my worrying about friends and family. I only realized how affected by it I am once I felt the amazing release that putting them all in the Lord’s hands brought. “What’s going on that’s stressing you out”? Besides the LOOMING UNSERTANTY THAT GRIPS ME EVERY MORNING and Evening, DEMANDING MY CONSTANT ATTENTION…deep breaths… it’s the babies…yes…mostly the babies that are popping up every where? I’ve scarcely lavished my love abundantly enough on the nephew and nieces at hand, and now every one is on round two and even three. Yes, my best friend (Jessica Jackson) is on her THERD child! She is only a year older then me. (Happy birthday by the way love). JD and Terry are on their first. Jo, Steph, Angel, and God knows who else are on round two.
Man, I don’t even know if all these children will ever know the joy of having an aunty Clay! That’s the reality of it folks, if you want your children to establish a strong relationship with me your going to have to slow down! I had a dream the other night; I was at a family reunion and all around me were children. Not one of which were mine.
Anyway I made an attempt to pray for you all and once I got really into my PV I almost couldn’t stop. So many people I love. Then there were the actual prayer requests. You know when people send you these little off lines asking for prayer for this and that? Well all at once they came to me and I prayed for each and every one.
I would like to take a moment to commend my room mate for her initiative to wake up early for these things so she has the rest of her day to focus on home basics. She is also doing the XD course; that takes up about 1/6 of her day no joke. Plus she attends ballet classes and gives them as well.
With me P&P time all comes with the right setting, I have to feel at peace and I tend to meditate a lot. (meditate is code for space out) Lately I’ve been realizing that when I don’t feel able is when its most important to work for my time with the Lord, otherwise I get stressed.
Its not good to let yourself get wound up too tight, although not many people seem to notice when I’m under pressure. In fact, people seem to think I’m “always so smiley”. It’s a good thing, the Lord’s grace is sufficient for us no? I find though, that trying too hard to appear pleasant when your worried about babies n such, can be a little self destructive. I mean, if you are really resting in the Lord then you’ll naturally have that calm childlike faith, but I think what’s been going on is that I am carrying too much of the load and not giving the Lord the bulk of the wait.
I think I’ve taught myself to take large amounts of pressure over the years. Not too much tends to surprise me yet at the end of the day I lose sleep scrutinizing each and every malfunction that’s occurred.
I once read about Scorpios being very connected to their bodies. “that’s stupid, every one is connected to their body”. Yes well we are very in touch with our physical and spiritual body. This means when my spirit isn’t getting its needs met my physical body will respond and be weekend.
I remember being so out of shape when I was younger, my spirit was also very out of shape. The two always seem to come hand in hand. I can’t believe people who know me now label me as a cheery person. If they’d met be back in the day they might have tried to perform an exorcism. I was intense then; and I didn’t even go through half the stuff I go through now. Now days I am much more in touch with my physical health and it seems that I have closed up a little to the spirit world except when the Lord is really trying to show me something. One must learn the perfect balance. I’ve been unfaithful with both this last month. After about three weeks of odd head aches, light fever and all that implies, my room mate got on her prayer bones and beseeched the Lord while I was yet reaching for the beautiful beyond. “ I know your going to heal her Lord because you love me and want me to be happy”. Its true, Jess’s virtue has got to count for something even if the Lord is displeased with me. After that I was determined to be healed. I went for a jog the very next day. Surprisingly, other then my phony jogging shoe replacements everything seemed intact, my muscles were just aching for me to use them.
I’ve also picked yoga back up to help my “cadaver” feel refreshed and in turn so does my spirit. There’s actually a whole GN about how stress and many forms of depression can release poisons into your body. Keeping mental and physical stress in check is the key to a healthy lifestyle.
Some of you may notice that I am not exactly Miss Universe physically. My wait is a constant bother to me but it helps me stay on my toes. Most people wouldn’t know that I tend to be somewhat of a fitness nerd but its true. I’m a ginger tea drinking, yoga-esc kind of gal. although Brazilian coffee has increasingly grown into an addiction. Our daily coffee is like thick, black cups of desire. Ahhhh”!
So my self restraint is not too stringent, I try and keep a healthy balance though Im not physically where I want to be and still tend to be a little insecure. All the girls in my home have typical tight little Brazilian bodies. I have Ivan’s bone structure.
But I’ve learned its not worth harping on things you can’t change, wait is always something I can work on, I like to keep pretty flexible too. Flexibility (other then being just plain fun) plays a vital roll in the aging process. You can avoid all kinds of medication and operations by working on your elasticity and stretching your muscles and tendons frequently.
All this to say I really need to get to work. I can only imagine how much ground I have to cover to make up for a whole month of vegetating.
The Never Ending Sarcasm of an FGA Mind
Most FGAs are loaded with wisdom. Sunny is a well of knowledge and good judgment. There are few soild reasons I can think of for her union with EZ other then his charm, cooking knack and ostentatious whit. I did however discover she was once “Miss age of Aquarius” herself. She still loses control when we bust out into 70s rock music. Under that apprehensive stair hidden behind thick retro glasses, there is a total hippy, rock star, diva chick lurching.
However somewhere between writing ancient Family classics to weaving flowers in her hair she managed to run into her greatest challenge. A scorching hot little guy named uncle EZ. Well, it wasn’t EZ yet, or uncle for that matter. Ezekiel was given his alias “EZ” for obvious reasons. He is extremely laid back and lovable, that I get.
What I can’t figure out is when he is being serious. He sings, sleeps, cooks, dances, and some times holds whole activated meeting in the uninhibited language of sarcasm.
I haven’t yet run into any trouble communicating with him, if anything his sarcasm is charming. The best way to get past it is to simply grin (sarcastically) grab hold of his two cheekand give them a good shaking. After a moment or so of his very intimidating, bearded smile, you’ll know its time to let go.
When I fist arrived his daughter was constantly reassuring me that he was only kidding. Some how I manage to be one of those who find him insatiably charismatic, he actually is much like my god father. They are both Sagittarius, both are well learned in culinary arts, and both are charming beyond reason…if you can get past the sarcasm.
Most people that try and be funny with him are met with, “yeah….chuckle….that was funny….chuckle….heh…(deep breath followed by a long pause)…Ohhhh…weeewph….your a riot…wasn’t that funny?
That will go on for about three minuets or so, then, once he catches the second parties eye he’ll look sternly at them until they are forced to look away. Sag men usual have a hard core stare.
This sarcasm has also rubbed off on other people in the home.
The other day uncle Chris was doing dishes next to me. “Well”! He exclaimed while I waited for more FGA enlightenment…”is a deep subject. I only caught on after turning to leave the kitchen. Took me long enough but I’ll blame that on his accent.
It was damn funny and righteously corny.
The three brothers in the home have also learned much from their father’s sarcasm. I believe it holds a curtain amount of leverage in getting them dates.
“picture a cute little Vega male, long black hair and thick glasses. You engage in a very natural conversation and while he seem to be there with you, the moment you say “ it was huge” he replies with “you haven’t seen nothing yet” never mind the fact you were talking about a mosquito bite from the night before. And if you are by any chance clever like me, and you try your best to avoid sexual connotations, chances are while your baring your soul to them over a glass of wine they’ll be fidgeting with the corkscrew. The result will be a fabulous way to say “screw you”!