"Who will Join my cry and forsake thier God Damnd Pride!!??
I'm feeling quite rebellious right now. That feeling when metaphoric steam starts rapidly ejecting from your nose and ears. I'm not confused, I know what my life is for, I know why I chose this life above everything else, I know why I forsook safety, lovers, dreams and family. The decisions I've made were as extreme as the lifestyle I traded them for. When I said I wanted to go all the way I took everything into account; willing to endure the cross and despise the shame. When I'm not fighting, when my sword is left hanging uselessly in it's harness, I feel the reason for my life has ebbed. How about you? Has the Core made your blood boil, has it made you sick of your own compromises? Has it made you finally chose to climb that mountain and take the beaten path that only beaten men can follow? Are you ready to be an extreme disciple? I didn't go to the XD, but the XD was a call to arms that I've been feeling for a long time. Maybe the Lord knew if I went, there would have been little or no restraint and there would have been no end to my rampage.
I have to confess something, waiting for every one to junk the punk and forsake their spiritual and physical trinkets has been aggravating. Not that I have arrived at 100% discipleship, I think the lord has put many leashes on me to teach me my own set of lessons. In fact, I think I'm answering my own question. Maybe this is why the Lord has in a sense, clipped my wings, given me a voice that doesn't sing and all those other poetic metaphors. Maybe my zeal will be my downfall. Maybe my pride is the punk that I need to junk. I just hate feeling comfortable, I can't stand feeling like I know where I'm going and I know just what the Lord's plan is. While some people might find this comforting I think it would only lead to spiritual death. At this moment I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, making me extremely edgy but confident that I'm in the Lord's will. I've dropped this massive bundle of "preconceived ideas" at His feet. Walking blindly is what makes most extreme marshal artists the masters of their trade.
I guess I'm blessed to be one of those people who don't need much to thrive, all the things that make us comfortable are the same things that lulls us into spiritual sleep (like how the worst place for a christian is a too comfortable place. For me the cost of full dedication has been much more costly then my own room, or a shelf full of accessories. If all you have to forsake is privacy, or accessories, then be thankful, it's not much compared to the freedom of the spirit, the freedom of a life thats needing nothing but the Lord.
Like St Francis told the Pope, how little faith have you to worry about what ye should eat or wear.
It is my greatest prayer that the CORE has awakened us; may we never stop to sleep; may our children be twice as rebellious as their fathers. If we can become 100% disciples, may they obtain 200%. As the world grows darker may our lights shine all the brighter to suit the obscurity. What good is a light if it dims as the darkness thickens?
I can't wait to see you on the field my love. I can't wait to see all the weight your spiritual body has lost making you the leanest, meanest spiritual fighting machine the world has ever known! In the words of Justin Spirit " I know this is where I belong"! Do you? If this is the life you have chosen, don't cheap it, don't make a mockery of it by only going half way.
You know, I used to love that song "the life of a missionary" But lately I've found it's just not enough. The world has it's missionaries and this word I think down plays what we should be focusing our training on.
What I want is the life of a disciple, the life of a prophet! Be it vulgar or zealous, I want to live like a true follower of Jesus. So to put it sweetly, "DROP OUT OR GET OUT"! Or at least stay dropped out.
Anyway, I'm crazy about you guys, Love you!