Christmas highlights.
On the 23 a friend took me to see Avatar in the VIP theater where we drank strawberry margaritas the whole way through. Amazing film, sheer entertainment dramatized by an alien romance, a crippled star performance and an amazing theme that would make Boris "Awe".
Then later while sick in bed, I caught up on some movie watching, a boot leg version of  "New Moon" which is fine cause the dashing vampire kid's skin doesn't ever appear to be satanically twinkling" in sunlight.
I know, I know LAME! but can you blame me? I am compelled by having seen the first one.
Needless to say It was LAME, just like the first one, although something is to be said about Bella's trauma, having every man in her life leave her spontaneously to pursue monsterdom. Hats off to the writer.
So have a great new years every one. And check out this great Chines proverb!
"If you don't think about (ponder, consider) the future, then you won't have a future."
So here's to every one "Pondering" their future. I'm still working out the kinks in mine... I'm sworn to secrecy until its a sure thing!
Peace and joy to the world out!
Bella's Christmas


Die Hard


Maybe die hard is a pointless action film that inspires violence and destruction, but when I see Bruce Willic bloody and soiled in his wife beater, I think of the principal behind the whole "Die Hard" theme. I remember my dad; unyielding to peer pressure in all its faces .
Maybe adopting 7 wild children and their over protective mother wasn't exactly saving the USA from terrorism, but he pulled it off with the very same gusto, some how managed to always get beat up too.

This is ALMOST a spitting image of my da, throw in some twin bushy eye brows and Presto!
Christmas normally is a time when I miss him more then ever, but this year I'm using my father's image to assist me in upholding an old family tradition. 

Bruce takes being a Man to a whole new level.
I'm going to man up to the changes and the pressure, I made the choice today so you could say
Die hard is my theme for the next year.
Happy Birthday dad!!
Ho ho ho

Aw, look how happy Jesus was to get some Christmas Cheer!


I'm so proud of Chantal. We had our grand opening two weeks ago and the English school for children has been very successful thus far.
Looks like the mothers will be wanting to apply for next year as well! Very inspiring!

The first class each child made their own gingerbread house to take home. We made Christmas angels with the kids and had a puppet show "in English".
The mothers are invited into the living room and we keep the coffee coming as well as fresh baked goods.
On top of being great financially and just plain fun, the "Open the Door for the Children" as we call it, has been a great way to meet people and make friends.

PS, you may have notice beer bottles on the work table. Fear not, we didn't have rollers so we had the kids use the beer bottles, turned out to be a smash hit among the moms who thought it was hilarious
xxx hope every one is having a cheerful Christmas 
" I LOVE "!!


~*~ Yahoo Memoirs ~*~

Chapter *1*

: Sam! status report!

: I hope your friends like six packs
: ROAR!!

: sure do
: so u'll be there!

: lets see who's is the best

: I'm bringing some draft beer from Germany.
: Beat that!

: haha
: at this rate i'll be ripped by the time i see you
: lets see who has a better 6 pack
: is it on?

: are you serious?
: u mean, a muscle six pack??

            : yeah man

: ok...hmm...good challenge, I have a secret wepon
: lets see who's method is better
: got to go work out
: see ya

: lets see who finishes first

          ~~~~~~~               *             ~~~~~~~~

two people
four weeks
one challenge
one winner

................Did NOT know what he was dealing with?? Weaker sex my Rock Sold Butt!

to be continued 



Photo Up Date

Seems such a shame to have to put a mask on such a beautiful face but he looks a bit Don Juan now :D Heee! I LOVE this man!

Ironic that the only photos I have of our show were the ones taken the last night cause that night meant the most to me. I guess the Lord doesn't want me to forget it.

I had no motivation from the beginning of the day. Every one at Cervantino seemed to stay up till at least 4 every night. New people, new faces. When I got to the stage everything was fine, I was just tired. I had a little brake down as I was buying coffee to wake me up. The chick was taking advantage of me cause she could tell I was foreign so I just kind of lost it. The next 10 minuets before our skit I spent crying. After the first skit my big strong friend caught on and took me in his arms, held my face and told me I would be ok. My show with David was next. When I got on stage every one in the crowed was sitting down. No feed whatsoever. I felt it would be a rough show. It's hard to perform when your audience is giving you nothing. I wanted to sit down myself. David was also placed on the far side of the stage so I couldn't touch him or make eye contact which made me feel alone, very frustrating as our music was all about contact and feeling each other's groove rather then tempo and timing.
I sputtered my way through the first song, I wasn't breathing correctly and feeling nothing at all. I couldn't brake through the barrier and had little desire to try. Second song I was still not there, there was a huge gap between me, my guitarist and the audiance. I wanted to get off the stupid stage and sit down with them. My mind waundered so far that I forgot my own lyrics, started singing the Portuguese song in English. I looked over to David and he grinned, that meant everything is going to be fine, just keep going. I felt the tears trying to resurface and I choked them down. Second verse, I also started that one in English and quickly rebounded back to Portuguese. Tisk, tisk..what the hell am I doing"? I thought. I was so glad when the song was over. David and I were asked to do an extra song with no prior practice (as was the Cervantino custom haha). David sang, I did a small part with harmonies. It was just what I needed to pull myself together. David's voice is so pretty.
During the last song the mixers finally realized the terrible feed back that had been going on through the whole show was due to David's mic. So "Holly Blessed Jesus" they moved David closer to me. We were finally reunited as band mates haha! From there we had one song left, one magical song. We both let go and just made love to our audience through the music. It felt so good, I finally made contact. Thanks to David we managed to bridge the musical gap.
When I got off stage I couldn't bear to look at any of the other musicians, I got all choked up when several of them came up to David and myself saying it was by far the best set yet and that was the norm for comments the rest of the night. I knew in my heart that it was only the Lord, I made a mess of everything and in His mercy He mastered the out-put to where it came out sounding (apparently) amazing! TYJ. Chris G said he was proud of me. I looked at him and told him what a mess I made and he looked puzzled. "no way"? I told him I cried before the set and was a mess the whole way through. He looked at me and said " ah, that's why it was amazing". Chris used to say you can only really trust some one's voice if they are singing while crying, singing with a broken heart, its impossible to "put anything on" or fake it when your crying. The show was a confirmation of his theory.
I'm just happy Dav and I made it through. I told him I was sorry and he said "I would have kept playing till you got it right". haha GBH. I'm thrilled by the heavy spirit of love I was feeling through it all. I think part of the reason for my tears was due to just being overwhelmed by all the love. Every one was so sweet and beautiful. I just felt unworthy. And we really are, each of us are nothing without him, just a sputtering, blundering, idiot who has no business being on stage.


"a serious disadvantage" ??

(Mama) Retaining a spirit of love and unselfishness, giving and sacrifice for the sake of others, continuing to look out for one another, to care for one another, and choose to do what Jesus would do in each situation, is one of the most important things we can do through this period of change and transition in the Family.
It’s my and Peter’s sincere hope and prayer that we will each do our best to be aware of the needs of others, to bear one another’s burdens, to lift up and support those who are vulnerable or in need, and to, as this short article puts it, “think about the next guy.”

Love, the one thing that's always separated the Lord's children from seas of varying religions and faiths, the one good thing worth trying to be. God is love, that pretty much says it all.
It shouldn't be so complicated but for the last few months since the change program started I've been confused, every things so much more complicated.
I've struggled with the concept of love, how it sometimes seems so far away from daily life and routine. Recently I even battled with the idea that being loving is being weak, caring about another person and being vulnerable is weakness. "a serious disadvantage" as a friend of mine put it.
The idea of being cold and indifferent has seeped into the very strong holds of my faith. It's become more and more natural for us to encourage ourselves to think this way, but as I assessed my life I realized its just not nor could it ever be in my nature. If I were to actually move in that direction and huddle together with the masses, it would only add to the insanity. It would be a drop in the bucket but the world is leaking an gushing into this bucket. I'll be a drop out of the bucket.
Life does come full circle. All the times you bit down, said something nice when everything inside was screaming in wretched, perverse, agony...it truly pays off, you'll find yourself scooping up in armfuls what you sowed. Lalalalala life comes full circle.

So I took some time to finally hear from the Lord about these changes, what seems to be a contradiction of the free spirit and dedication I joined the family for.
I hoped this prophecy would be helpful to all my friend's and loved ones struggling with the same discouragement.
I love you

Like a bridge over troubled waters, I can teach you to be steady, and solid in your emotions and decisions, a strong oak where others can cling to when the winds of adversity are blowing hard.
I know there is so much you want for your own life, right now every one is searching themselves, trying to find what it is they've been held back from doing all this time but that's really beside the point. When your in my will you ARE doing just what you should be and even though I want people to find new levels of fulfillment, going about it that way already is showing how much some one's heart was in my word, my business. This change program wasn't designed to throw The Family up in the air like a gigantic pizza in hope all the pieces fall where they should. It is designed to sift through my children, it's a great purging. If your heart is set on things above and not things of this earth, on the spirit of love, then the change program will only enhance your discipleship and make you all the more a force to be reckoned with in this dark world. For you cannot love the lost whom you have not seen if you struggle with loving your brother and sister. You cannot lay down your life for the sheep without laying down your life for your brethren.
I know you can feel helpless and alone, every one is having to stand on their own two feet and face themselves they way I see them. Every one is really evaluating the depth of the revolution within themselves.
So let it try you, I have faith that if you hold on and cling to me, you will be an even stronger woman of God. In this time others will need you to speak faith and be encouraging. let your brokenness speak faith to my dear ones, people trust broken hearts. Only broken hearts can see eye to eye with a troubled soul, through the pretense and feelings of inadequacy and into the potential there is in each of my children. The change is going to expose a lot of ugliness, people who are out for self gain and its so important that my little love lights burn all the stronger during this time. our love for each other is what has always separated you from the church system. With out this love, many will be lost that are in the Family, and that could have joined.
So let your love so shine and don't be ashamed or feel weak like your disadvantaged because you love. As the world gets darker, love will glow all the brighter! Let love reign.
I love you Clay.

Viva La Revolution!


the "Naked" truth


Aperantly Chris Guitar has been working both sides.
He goes under the Alias Gianluca Grignani.

No more lies Chris !

The best part of the Video is when chris is playing drums and throws the sticks in the air...very smooth, but it totally gives you away!
Even the Video screams and oozes with your style...nice try.



It happened on the 8th...but Im only posting now (sorry)
I think its going to be an amazing year and it has really already been!
The only pictures I have preforming at the Cervantino are with my WS guitarist and I can't post pictures with him (sorry) again.
BUT here is a before show photo my dear friend took of me

And then came the moment I knew I was destined for my whole life, through tears and puberty, waiting for that moment I knew would come.
I got off stage after our first little show and there he was, siting peacefully next to his wife, so peaceful it would be almost impossible to convince you he was about to rock the slide guitar on a intensely lit stage for hundreds.
He motioned for me to come over and said in the coolest accent you ever herd " was that you up there just then"? I sheepishly nodded (wait for it...) "that was great"! You have an Amazing voice, I love your sound"....
People, people, people... it means little or nothing when a perfectionist receives a compliment on something they know without doubt is far from perfect as an art form. The polite thing is of course, to graciously accept the compliment and move on, work harder. But! when a musical marvel, aged in the light of center stage, who has preformed SO many concerts to the point it no longer even makes him cold sweat or short of breath, says anything to apriciate your God given skill... its earth shaking! That poor little man got way more hugs from me then he bargained for.
later Jeremy signed my ol guitar and patted me on the back "keep singing"... life changing.

Im so glad I went to the Cervantino, it really was life changing. Even with all the intense changes the Family is still who we have always been. I was flipped out to meet and see us doing what we do best, reaching out, being little mirrors of the Lord's love to the world.
I love you All and miss you


Sam's big red freakin truck

When a woman goes through heart brake, she'll buy chocolate, watch self motivational films and what not....
when a man's heart brakes, he buys a TRUCK!!

The guys don't play around, "broken heart, eat my dust"

soon to come...Cervantino update"!


something I painted a while back using water acrylics...just trying it on


I have my reasons

I can honestly say there was a time when I wanted to be Jeremy Spencer...I was about 8"


Everybody wants to be a Music Teacher

alas I've already had mine...

heart brakers anonymous: Hello every one! My names Chris...
group: Hello Chris!
I Just wanted to say, Im amazing!

And hes back... poor poor Jenny

Out of the blue my old heart throb Chris Guitar started writing me about music (of course)
He and I will be playing together at the Cervantino festival. YAY!
So I proved myself right AGAIN... sigh! you can be friends after you've been "Friends"

Thanks for everything Chris!

My my... I love old school pictures!

A taste of things to come... looking forward to it!



I want to be thoroughly used up when I die

I'd almost forgotten how to appreciate the little things.
the weird comments the kids make to each other, how only another 3 year old can understand and reply with something equally confusing.
The fact that my underwear match today.
My own room and a brand new lap top just in time to study XD.
Thank you for the Little things Lord.

My choice quote for the month.

Purpose: This is the true joy in life—being used for a purpose … being a force of nature, instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die. Life is no brief candle to me. It's a sort of splendid torch which I've got to hold up for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.—George Bernard Shaw


its rainy season on the splat life

I've learned something valuable this week.
I spoke with some one important about my hurts, the things that bothered me and made me feel like I can't go on.
My heart was actually full of anger and feelings that I was right and the world had turned it's back on me.
The response of my listener and the solution we came to was beautiful and I think post worthy.

If people don't know our heart and if all we ever do is bite down and swallow our feelings, refusing to let anyone see, we are creating a circle that has no end, where there is no exit, no hope of being free.
How can people help us and make our lives easier when they don't even know the lava curdling inside.
When I opened my heart to this some one, I felt that even though he couldn't fix the problems or change the past, at least finally some one knew. By sharing my heart maybe other situations could be salvaged and handled with more care. On top of that he was able to clear up a lot of smoke for me and helped me with my perspective.
I felt stupid for keeping it all in for so long. Maybe my pride held me back, wanting to believe I was strong and afraid of what may happen if this weakling was allowed to be made know to those who look up to me or those I look up to.
My fear of imperfection was exactly what was holding me back from being whole. None of us are capable of never making mistakes, of never feeling hurt. Opening up is healing. Silence is a slow death to all hope and love we have inside of us.
We can't be angry with the world for shutting us out when we haven't opened the door to let her in.



weekend with Older sister with a capital "Ohhh"

singing song to mom with ultra dorky look on my face while play wothless, fit for a trash heep guitar Yes...I did gain 5 kls...but you never lose by gaining heh..ehem! but it was worth it, every greasy, sugar covered dumpling "Pose like your happy!"

The End


I love the Bible

And you thought the book wasn't cool


Memoirs of a Mum

It has been two weeks, two weeks of poo poo diapers, bumps on the head, out bursts of unidentified emotion and cries that sound the closest thing to "Down? Down?"
If Its not smashing Its head against a mirror intentionally Its tumbling off the bed unintentionally, if Its not eating then Its pooping. Also with my limited research and expertise I have decided It speaks a blend of Japanese and Pig Latin but the exact dialect is inconclusive.
It ways more then a 5 month old Doberman Pincher yet It can hardly walk by Itself thus I must carry It around for a whopping third of my 14 hour day.
It has also mastered the art of sleeping while doing summer-salts around the bed, Iv tried to strap It down to one designated spot but then the screaming starts.
Despite being wickedly picky about It's food, poop some how seems to be optional on It's menu and if not watched carefully, routine diaper duty can turn into dung tasting "an you kiss yo mama with that mouth?". It also appears she is incapable of learning, repetition means little or nothing at all. If the specimen decides It wants something nothing but time will erase that something from It's memory banks, thankfully as an up side, God arranged these memory banks to last a full two minuets if handled properly (see Parenting For Dummies)

Ya, I'll be a horrid parent but the house is always clean and so are the kids, oh yes! there are two of them but thank heaven only one is a gooper aka baby.
Three days left playing mommy. Pray I get home in one piece



All American rejects tra la la

The best song/music video ever... or at least today
Move Along


Following the eating habit of a worm.

I'm sure Worms, like the Illuminati, know things they keep hidden from the masses in order to maintain absolute health while the rest of the world withers and dies of cancer and STDs .
Motive? Worms EAT us, worms eat people!
Worms found in your pantry that leave webs, skin remnants or eggs, are know as “inch worms” or "The Indianmeal moth worms”. Yes I said moth. Actually a lot of the "worms" you find in your pantry are really just moth larva, so no, its not cute when moths fly out of your pantry.
So being that we are just under the food chain I decided it was wise to do some research.
We already know proper eating habits are essential to long life, health/strength and even beauty. These things put you ahead of the game. How do we know where to start in achieving omnipotence? How do we become one step ahead of our enemy, the worm, in this case the Indian meal moth/worm? You can start by asking yourself a few simple questions.

Have you ever seen a worm dive into a barrel of sugar? Even if it's raw, natural sugar??
DO worms go for the white flour or the whole? Maybe both but which is given preference?
Does the ice berg lettuce often have worms hiding in it's layers, or is that your real green vegetables like broccoli and spinach?
have you EVER in your life found worms in the white rice?
how about the whole rice?
Oat meal, does it have worms?

I have also noticed that worms will go straight for the nuts (almonds, pecans) far before the sugar covered raisins that have been sitting open in the pantry for two weeks.
In fact worms pretty much avoid sugar with the acceptance of chocolate in many cases. Can you blame them?
Now if you've been starving your worms and keeping your natural, unprocessed foods under lock and key, they may just get desperate and go for the beans.
"Beans? you ask. Yes! I've often founds worms drilling holes through our homes bean stash but that's usually when everything else has become impossible for them to reach. But we already know beans are part of healthy eating habits. Though beans are highly infamous, their nutritional value is kept secret or down played in most western countries by the Illuminati
My point being....
Think like a worm!


Post #2

I remembered that we are all bi-polar, because of the carnal mind vs the Spirit Mind in us!

So, it's like
JESUS took care of all the cursed disclaiming, right?
Yes &
now we have to follow suit

finding how to keep the Vic
even when all around is un-niceness
even in our own egocentric (ha)
lives, that
we are fighters to
Rise above it with Love & prayer & all the virtues
disclaim the Vic

in conclusion

The Victory is ours
in our 1st Love and Husband
Whoooopeeee .............................................Ivn Ho

Tks da Ho, always ready to relate..some how hahah


From: GOD
Reference: LIFE

This is God. Today I will be handling All of your problems for you.. I do Not need your help. So, have a nice day.

I love you.



Thanks for the flowers". Yeah well I had an extra buck and didn't want to give to the beggar outside, he would probably just use it to buy booze.
The Disclaimer-er.
Some people have the habit of stamping big fat disclaimers on charitable or otherwise NICE things they do and say to other people, this makes it awkward and confusing for the recipient. "do I say thank you"?
When you place a disclaimer on something nice you have done for another person you essentially take one step forward and then one back. You look nice"..why thank you.."yeah well we all need encouragement". I did your white load for you" wow God bless you. Yeah well my load was too small so I dumped yours in there to fill up the machine".
How about "I miss you...some times".
Some people just can't bear to hear "thank you" as if they don't want to be pinned down for something nice. Behold the classic "it was nothing" Don't Mention it".
If it's nothing and no effort went into it, then what good can we derive from it?
Now, imagine how frustrating this kind of behavior is for the guys who enjoy making other people feel loved and happy and the sweetness and WONDERFULNESS of being loved by every one in return!
The Gusher. "I can't wait to see you, life is so dull and boring without you"! Disclaimer " yeah well I find ways to make the time go by".
Disclaimers actually (by habit) look for ways to malign anything nice they may have done and whats sadder, they look for holes in sweetish things done unto them.
Gusher: "I got you your FAVORITE chocolate EVER to show you I was thinking of you and love you. joy, joY, JOYNESS"! Disclaimer: Ermm, I've been having too much of those, been meaning to cut it out of my diet..but thanks".
Even if a Gusher is trying to cut back on chocolate, or only misses you a little bit, they wont actually tell you. Gushers are feel good people, not NEEDY people, don't get the two mixed up.
So what do we do with the Disclaimer-ers?? Nothing, because it was nothing remember?? So when I'm Gusher-ing, I'm FEEL-GOOD-ing... not to be confused with NEEDY-ing... just a little disclaimerAccept thank yous, say thank you and stand by your good deeds of love and WONDERFULNESS"