The snow is not as bitterly cold as it looks. At this time of year Spring is already poking her sunny head over the mountains surrounding the little town of Breza.
We timed our trip perfectly so that I could catch Sadmir before closing his shop but the ice covered streets weren't taken into account and our cab driver, not wanting to be guilty of killing two American girls, drove cautiously through the fog and streets encased in ice.
I was still able to surprise Sadmir's father and later learned from friends that when Sadmir got the call that I was sitting back home on his couch, his hand's started to tremble and he went into a short lived shock.
The next two weeks were a delicious reward for the six months we have spent apart, and from a lover a girl can't possibly expect more, he satisfies me. Still, I cringe when ever we talk about marriage, it feels so foreign to me but after all, isn't that where all this is going? I've been very clear about my two year dating plan, I doubt its sufficient enough time. My worst fear is marrying a man who will not ultimately be the sole provider and father to the children we bear together. I know he feels the same. For better or worse is something I'm glad we agree on but foresight would be a greater comfort to me. Can one ever really trust another human being? There are other things too, I've always secretly felt marriage would be the end of my life, something like a giant abyss, no more chapter's to fill. I fear becoming a spiteful wife he craves being rid of, escaping me at every chance to pursue home-wrecking youths with his same stamina.
In the end life is one big up hill, down hill journey and I don't expect it will be perfect, I only hope to hold on tightly and fearlessly. Its like the song goes, its not always rainbows and butterflies its compromise the moves us along". I suppose that's all life is really about, moving along.We can't stop the clock and I'm not 22 anymore....something tells me this one will be the death of me, my abyss.

that is fucking scary!