insecure

So your a social misfit, I mean, we all have issues. we all claim to have been total losers at one point. We all have those old pictures of us when we were 15, and embarrassing stores of how our first crush found out we wanted to "spend the rest of our life making their babies". But then again, we all grow out of it. Some of my favorite people were the biggest nerds back in sixth grade. however there are notably two very distinct kinds of "unique" personalities. Some of them are just nerdy and awkward because of a character flaw or because of a physical feature that makes them unattractive; these features often grow on them and become there "personal charm" in adulthood, so to speak. My big brother is a classic example with his split teeth and big ears. These kinds of "nerds" grow out of the insecurity and on to better things, like marrying that hottest chick in Jersey. Then there are the other kinds of nerds. These guys tend to be shy but incredibly intelligent. They spend their youth fighting the norm and refusing to be like the "in crowed" which they secretly envy, yet at the same time they'll try to create their own "Cool" which they hope will become more widely accepted. These are the types of nerds I would like to expound upon.
While some nerds are like apples that have simply fallen farther away from the mother tree, these sort of nerds are better related to limes growing on a berry bush. They don't want to be a stereo-type and because of their constant push in the opposite direction, they can earn an ugly reputation at a young age. They become "the nerd who thinks he's cool". but worse then annoying Their peers, they soon catch the eye of their superiors, who happen to have a say in whether or not their presence is a con or a pro. Chances are, because they are so controversial to the written way, they will be labeled a con. That's when they'll have to make a decision. If the only way to earn respect is to shape up, then they'll give it their best shot, and their best shot is probably better then average. Besides, they figure they can make more significant changes in their environment once they're in a position that is acknowledged by all. So they put their plans on the back burner for a while and begin to fit in. NOT, They still think it's way cooler to greet their friends by dumping a cup of water on them, after all, friends get their humor and should understand. They still do things like, throw the couch pillows across the room after being asked a few times not to by the host who already has it in for them. To them, it's not a big deal, but they just unknowingly added another spot on their already muddied reputation. They probably didn't even notice their host picking up pillow after pillow while trying to figure out if this person really didn't hear them, or if their actually doing their very best to make people dislike them all the more. There are plenty of people in their favor and dismiss these sorts of things as just the genius's natural tendency. It comes with the label. And along with the typical genius comes what I believe is just plain and simple indifference. Family, friends and lovers all fall prey to the genius's typical "you don't understand" take on everything. And after enough misunderstandings, friends can be labeled as "just like all the others". Sadly, they'll find themselves with about as few friends, and about the same popularity vote as before. It seems to them that no one cares about how hard they try. They look at their clothes, their hair, It's all been adjusted to help them fit in, they become mad at them self and every one else who made them put their original quest on the back burner. They even started being more social when they'd prefer to sit in their room brainstorming something original yet so totally obvious that they'll wonder why no one else thought of it. So, sooner or later, they shut off. they need some time to rethink things. They go back to the drawling board and while away, you can bet things here and there will start to unravel. People start to wonder where the heck they are. They probably don't realize them self, but they play a major part in the way things are run. Even once they take off all those pretenses, there is still that solid core which makes them positively necessary to the work. A childish monkey with really lame humor, but still totally brilliant and essential. The only danger is burning out, giving more then they can. Any one who attempts to please every one will soon bring them self to a point where it's just too much and they'll sooner or later shut off leaving every one wondering why they went cold fish.The major guid line a guineas should abide by is pacing ones self, and if you think your giving more then you feel you can, it's cause your working in the flesh. Let the Lord have his way, He'll make sure to balance you out and set you on coarse again. If your giving more then you can your apt to collapse and not only hurt yourself but those you admirer. But you don't need to tell a brilliant mind that, they probably already know.

mClay