04/07/2008

a positive thing

a friend of mine was lecturing me on the need for me to cry more. Tears are kind of like our worries and fears leaving the body" he said. It's good for you.
He even sent me a song. "this should help excite some emotion", listen to it and let it rip.
My friend is a cancer and very in touch with his feelings. I like to brag about having a cancer rising but I'm afraid I'm just not as elegant or darling as most cancer chicks, and those tears don't come nearly as easy to me.
But, I've been working on finding an outlet for a problem I seem to have with suppressing my emotions. I used to believe my emotions were evil and that I should do everything it takes to suppress them.
My mother called me a wet blanket when I was a kid, so at an early age I began to suppress it. To my mom, wet blanket was a nick name for her much loved youngest daughter, to me it was a sign that I was the week link.
It's not that I've never cried, but I feel terrible when I do. I feel terrible when I feel in general.
can some one tell me the deference between being a bitter person and one who maybe has just learned from their mistakes and avoids making them.
Maybe I've swapped suppressing tears for simply avoiding situations that may cause them to begin with. Maybe bitter people hold everything inside where it festers and blackens the blood, cautious people just avoid the little black rain clouds.
So, I'm trying to allow myself the commodity of a tear here or there, it's not happened yet, but it really needs to. Being strong in myself is not allowing the Lord to be strong for me. It poisons the spirits and the physical body as well.
Ever since I've committed to being more humble in this aria, I hardly recognise myself. I actually hate it, I don't quite have it under control but it's going to take time, I think about a year and a half for the Lord to bring a better, meeker person out of me.
In the mean time, I hope you all see this as a positive thing and encourag and also pray for me.

I love you


I thot this was very appropriate



mClay