what you will never know

the most beautiful thing I have ever known
freedom, there is no fear, just the sound of your foot steps coming up there stairs, your breath on my back, your expectancy.
I know its cliche, but if only all the world could be so used to what is perfect and harmonious.
it is impossible to hold anything in this world, I know and am not at all ignorant to change, but if only this once in my life I am treated with the dignity we, as creatures built in the image of God are inclined to, I will always be grateful.
you will find that in me there is a secret well that runs deep, and from it you will receive always twice of what you have put in. I am indebted to you, indeed your slave, for what is more better fitting to describe the heart of love than a slave who is possessed without chains. my free will binds me to your servitude. I will never go back to the desolation of my past, my soul building higher walls to keep the famine out
I will never allow my heart to thirst again or to be beaten down for my longing, a longing that from birth is imparted to all men
I am now living a most envious life, a cliche 

the worst feeling in the world is the one you get when you can't do one more bloody pull up, like your mind wants to but your body just wont let you. I've been pushing myself pretty hard over the last two months, I see results but they are slow in coming. December will be my 3rd month with the cross fit academy. I wish I could be putting more time in, my schedule just wont allow for it so I try and do as much home work as possible.
There is still that feeling though, like I have to fight harder then some people, like my genetics are against me.
I just refuse to be a pudgy fitness coach! That's my drive, not impressing any one... my boyfriend like his pudgy fitness coach, I kinda do too  :)