*

2012-01-11T09:22:00.000-08:00

So Sadmir's English has been getting much better with one exception, the darling is starting to talk like me. Words like, totally, nice and dude are surfacing more and more in my conversations with him. "Dude" a word that unlike "positively" is not sexy when said in a Bosnish accent. Say Mountain Dew, now just say Dew, new say Dewd.... there you have it! Not to mention its just weird hearing him use my words, in fact! Hearing my boyfriend turn his beautifully primitive English into pop culture slang isn't attractive at ALL! So if its not sexy for Sadmir I've decided its not sexy for mua! Along with this year's other new resolutions, I'm going to work on my English, for the sake of progress but also for the sake of my silly, darling that he may have the chance to speak the English language with all the savvy and pizzazz I know is better suited for him!

what you will never know

2011-12-27T20:16:00.000-08:00

the most beautiful thing I have ever known
freedom, there is no fear, just the sound of your foot steps coming up there stairs, your breath on my back, your expectancy.
I know its cliche, but if only all the world could be so used to what is perfect and harmonious.
it is impossible to hold anything in this world, I know and am not at all ignorant to change, but if only this once in my life I am treated with the dignity we, as creatures built in the image of God are inclined to, I will always be grateful.
you will find that in me there is a secret well that runs deep, and from it you will receive always twice of what you have put in. I am indebted to you, indeed your slave, for what is more better fitting to describe the heart of love than a slave who is possessed without chains. my free will binds me to your servitude. I will never go back to the desolation of my past, my soul building higher walls to keep the famine out
I will never allow my heart to thirst again or to be beaten down for my longing, a longing that from birth is imparted to all men
I am now living a most envious life, a cliche

2011-12-01T16:09:00.000-08:00

the worst feeling in the world is the one you get when you can't do one more bloody pull up, like your mind wants to but your body just wont let you. I've been pushing myself pretty hard over the last two months, I see results but they are slow in coming. December will be my 3rd month with the cross fit academy. I wish I could be putting more time in, my schedule just wont allow for it so I try and do as much home work as possible.
There is still that feeling though, like I have to fight harder then some people, like my genetics are against me.
I just refuse to be a pudgy fitness coach! That's my drive, not impressing any one... my boyfriend like his pudgy fitness coach, I kinda do too :)

2011-10-14T12:27:00.000-07:00

So I've been meaning to get in with the "cool" kids at Missioncrossfit, I don't feel intimidated too often, not because I'm much more special than the next gal, it has more to do with growing up in a "both sides, win, every one gets a shiner prize" reality, just makes me feel like every one else's equal.
In this alternate world of push hard, earn your name on the dry erase board until it's erased by the better athlete, you have to offer more than a joke or two here and there, a hand shake or a compliment. Compliments wont up your weight class that's for sure, though speed and agility might.

Above is Nick going a hurdle that is only about a foot and a half shorter than he is...Nick is six foot 8'. Needless to say the girls in this outfit don't come in to talk about the latest Kings of Leon album, they come to train till their clothes are wet with sweat and they have managed to do at least one rep more than their average best.

I have hardly shared a word with any of them until today when the chick who embodies "people will want to be you" helped me load up my weight bar, we began talking about stuff like protective gloves, she uses chalk because her hands have already developed hard callouses. "Oh so I guess with time it wont hurt too much"? I say in my most cheerful voice, "well, gloves or chalk aren't going to stop the tearing" Tearing"? now I'm scared "ya, but only when your up to doing about 100 pull ups, it'll rip"
So much for motivational girl talk, although it was insightful"... this will with time fall under the "reasons I practice dance fitness". Weight lifting is very good for building muscles "the prerequisite for any self respecting fitness coach, a few numbers well spent and free time well spent.
My first zumba class is around the bend and boy am I looking forward to it!

Three Months of Bliss

2011-09-21T19:10:00.000-07:00

So here it is, pictures.. all I'm really good at anyway.. but each one being worth a thousand words.

a week from today

2011-06-08T06:45:00.000-07:00

and around the same time, I will be sipping coffee and studying my book peaceably and without interruptions. My joins and limbs will be relaxed and my mind will be fully engaged. There will be no children to pick up from school, no pressing matters to attend to, no messes that aren't my own to clean, no kitty litters or cats to feed and no one trying to squeeze any kind of labor out of me, no devastating, unexpected surprises hell bent on making me rectify matters emotionally or otherwise.

I am reminding myself that everything I've worked since the beginning of this year for is only 7 days away, for certain if not for school I probably wouldn't come back to this stupid country at all.

I only hope the short two plus months I am away will be long enough to make me forget what a complete disaster this place is long enough to keep me focused till my next opportuned exit.

2011-06-02T10:42:00.000-07:00

I honestly have no idea why I was born a Goode... these are the only people who really know how to drive me crazy!

Need a quick trip off??

2011-05-26T11:34:00.000-07:00

I sometimes trip off when I am supposed to be researching, all kinds of things pop up when you use google. One of my favorite places to trip off in is this sweet little weblog. Its just for us girls, full of information and beauty secrets so I don't feel like I've completely waisted my time.
check it out

Fitness

2011-05-03T15:20:00.000-07:00

I'm not a fitness buff, I've been the chubby kid my whole life but what I am is active and maybe I've got a slight attention disorder. Its not easy for me to sit around thinking about something, the idea of choosing a career other then my choice to be a missionary was a pain in the butt.
There were a few things I felt I would be good at, like people relations (boring) a teacher (ick) maybe beauty and salon "cosmetics" (in my genetic make up and possibly still in the cards). My day to day life had one constant, one encrypted programing that I could say for sure was a part of me "A,D,D" ...or maybe just movement, dance! I could do that on a day to day basis sure.
I thus squished all the above into a box with a label on it and that label read "Group Fitness Instructor".
PR, Teaching, beauty, movement and dance! Bam!
Even with my short attention span the idea stuck and I woke with the thought every morning for about a year and a half.
Today I took my first quiz and I am proud to say I got 100%.
My first two days of study were nerve wrecking as it turns out I am having to study mostly anatomy and body science which means a lot of big words and your FULL attention is required in order to read 10 pages of pure glycolytic (a word even my spell check disagrees with) pathways.
I am still nervous but after this first quiz I am developing a little more faith in myself and the Lord's leading for this career. I know the mental stretching is only half of the job because in order to sell myself as a professional I am required to maintain utmost care of my body and condition myself as an athletic person would. I don't know how I am going to do this as my body seems immune to all forms of diet and exercise, toning is almost a foreign language I've never been able to grasp.
For now I do my best, its even tougher when you spend 3 or more hours on your ass but I am fighting along to maintain a balance that will create the perfect homeostasis for my unique body type.
Wish me the best.

Raining Money

2011-05-01T11:48:00.000-07:00

I went to deposit a wad of cash into my account when a gust of wind blew all but a few bills from my grasp. Imagine 20s, 10s, and 5s along with a hundred plus ones exploding into the air in a burst of agonizing glory.
At first all I could do was laugh as I stood there dazed as if it was some kind of bizarre dream, I expected at any moment Bat Man and a mob of giraffes were to emerge from the bank doors and begin parading threw my falling money.
From the corner of my eye I could see my sister racing after the money, following her was a young man, an old woman and then the bank manager. Ironic as it was the one least concerned with retrieving it was the one it belonged to, yours truly. I guess I felt the way I do with most things, "why bother chasing after it?".Anything thats meant to be mine will simply follow me around".
My sister was now on all fours scooping money into her skirt. I finally came to and grabbed at fives that seemed to dance around my legs. I always feel so stupid chasing after things, is anything really worth losing breath over? Its the oddest thing but my only motivation was the calories I was sure to burn chasing my hard earned money.
As I looked around every one seemed so delighted to be running and chasing down these impossibly fast paper monies, indeed just like a dream. I wondered if any of them were planning on keeping it.
I don't think any of us thought we would manage to retrieve it all.
It was the strangest thing how we all laughed and made jokes, how could something like this happen? Never mind, it's Awesome!

If you've never seen the sky raining money you've never lived.
After there didn't seem to be any more money to retrieve I was reunited with mangled fistfuls of green . Every one was eager to see just how much we managed to get back (or rather just how much I managed to lose).
Drum Roll please" All but one dollar was unaccounted for. Its possible I didn't count it right the first time to begin with meaning ALL the money was found.
It was amazing.
The Manager of my bank loves telling people this story using "Lets see if Chase will do that for you" as a punch line/slogan.
This isn't an anecdote but if it was the lesson would be, Chase bank wont chase after your money for you. And, Don't expect some one else to reach out and obtain your dreams for you, even though they just did... in this real life story... hu....

2011-04-26T07:08:00.000-07:00

I fished a foot ball out of the water Easter Sunday, my sister held my legs as I leaned over board doing 30 MPRs. Alcohol had something to do with it for sure but I also remember just wanting to fall off the boat, the only real danger being the boats propeller which you could probably clear relatively easily. The look on Matt's face was one of complete horror as he moved quickly to slow the boat. My sister would have been the one to snatch it if she wasn't the one holding me inside the boat.
Great time, Happy Easter!

Muscle Confusion

2011-04-18T19:08:00.000-07:00

No we're not working out in the morning, we're working out toNIGHT!!

Just when you think it's Techno, RAP! Wait! ohh no its Metal.

Confuse the hell out of those Muscles !!

My planned summer vacation

2011-04-08T07:56:00.000-07:00

where can you find ALL this in the same location ??

Who'da thought
we were originally going to Germany and then France but when I saw these pictures of Albania it didn't take any guessing.

2011-04-01T09:45:00.000-07:00

This month is going to be particularly exhausting. We are getting new jobs in the down town Houston aria (Vanessa, Sherrie and I) moving into our own place and buying another car all at once. There didn't seem to be the option of doing one of the above at a time.
it seems over whelming and some times I feel the girls don't think we can make it, at least not get everything we want all at once, we've spoken about compromising on certain things like the apartment, the one I believe we can afford would be as tropical and beautiful as living on a resort in the Bahamas and economical as well considering gas prices and how close we will be to our various work places. However, we all really want to save money, I want to go back to Bosnia in six months and Sherrie would also like a trip back to Europe. None of us want to find ourselves stuck in a situation we'll have nothing to show for after its done.

I haven't been able to sleep for a while because I am always thinking about a way to make this work, about Sadmir. He doesn't think it would be much fun coming to the US. Once in Bosnia we'll be able to go to Germany, France and maybe a few other places. He has the "not as much fun" part right.
I'm stressed, this is a rant... I just needed to vent.
I want to be on a plane again soon, I want to find myself sleeping in strong arms again. But I want to make sure I am not leaving important parts of my life undone as well, which is why I'm not in Breza right now learning to make cakes with Dade.
I just have to focus, I already know what I want and need to do first, this year better turn up with some results.

It's not an i phone

2011-03-22T13:48:00.000-07:00

But I was offered one for the same price as this little baby. Theres something uniquely edgy about it, its design was inspired by a race car... apparently so it is!

I can't put it down, I know its more of a guys gadget but it suits me. I'm not worldly enough for an i phone but I wanted something as reliable and flexible. I know most critics wouldn't way a Droid Incredible HTC with an i phone 3G but why not? I've used both and there aren't too many differences. The photo quality is GREAT! I can't complain, I'm too wrapped around the damn thing!

Kid Galahan

2011-03-01T19:29:00.000-08:00

Ok so I promise to shut up about my amazing man but...

I always saw a bit of Elvis in Dade.... and I can SO do "The King"!
As it turns out Elvis Stars in a film as a boxer where he brings my fantasy to life in "Kid Galahan"

And check out his cutesy little girl friend :)

Ya your right, never mind I'm way hotter ;)

kidding

getting back to the basics

2011-03-01T17:40:00.000-08:00

because I'm worth it

2011-02-24T11:50:00.000-08:00

Upon arriving there was a slight air of awkwardness. My little fire was kindled by the invitation to terminate it and I began asking too many questions and submerging every one in fine conversation :)
Unfortunately I soon became the victim of awkward vibes as the now acquainted and happy couple grew more comfortable and the need for privacy oozed from every gesture.

A chaperone was sent for on my behalf.
I was mortified when (in a very foreign accent) he began addressing me as "babe". The horror turned to amusement that one could possibly be so arrogant as to assume I was or ever would be his "babe".

Meet Sadmir Hasani, AKA Dade.

The following day I was squired about town locked arm in arm with the very same, almost genetically modified male organism. As it turns out Sadmir is a Graduate from Serajevo's School of Culinary arts. He now owns his own Coffee shop/ pub in Breza. I supposed then that his peacock stride was accredited to being the only young man in Breza working for himself and owning his own home. Apparently I was mistaken as Sadmir is also a trained boxer, wrestler and Jujitsu ring fighter as well as fluent in three languages aside from his own. More then pretty feathers and a pocket full of dough equals Breza's finest bachelor, and all to myself :P
I actually only spent about 15% of my time with Ivana and Damir. Sadmir shares my sense of adventure meaning we spent our time exploring Serajevo, eating out and meeting new friends.

I had the opportunity to see everything, from small houses and farms way up in the mountains, to pulsing night spots and elegant social outlets. I couldn't have planned a better get away and even though my escort had to work half days and sometimes run back to the shop to make birthday cakes and the like, I was always amused by friends and local side shows.

2011-02-17T10:53:00.000-08:00

I found the German air port to be nothing but one big adult play ground

When you find a sex shop dead center air port, you know your in another country. These photos are of the air port in Munich. There were a lot of other mouth watering sights such as the fully armed German guards.
Sadly other then the men and sex shops, most other sights were lukewarm or just plain cold, such as the food and the weather.

Everything can cost a hideous penny... even sparkling water ended up about 10 american, not so sparkling after you get the bill! > :(

However, as I found on my way back through, there are ways to shop that aren't as expensive. You just have to avoid thinking like a tourist

One inspiring feature in the Munich air port was the series of small rooms available for rent. Just think, buy a few items from the sex shop, grab one of those fetching security guards and you're only a few 00 away from a good time.

from there we were a hop and a skip away from Serajevo!

Off the Record

2011-02-16T15:35:00.000-08:00

seemed the pictures we tried to take were always clips

Shortly after this we were pulled over by the Bosnian Police... should have filmed thAT!

Perfect Gentelman

2011-02-07T03:50:00.000-08:00

He doesn't breath heavily down your neck the first night in bed together implying he is just as content to sleep.

He actually DOES pay for everything and never appears to resent it. He is investing in his favorite past time, you!
He doesn't always open doors for you but makes sure none are closed to you. His life and everything in it are open to your discretion.
You are never out of place because he will escort you to some where pleasant when he is busy with his obligation or there is a conflict. A scuffle is no place for a lady neither is it an opportunity to show off and he knows this.
When he is aware that you are feeling ill or uncomfortable he wakes casually to insure you that you are in his utmost care.
Attentive but not smothering, impressive but not arrogant. He is confident you will pay him the compliment, boasting is for the week who have much to compensate for.
He gives not only to his woman but to any one within reason.
This man, the Perfect Gentleman is also inclined to jealousy and is honest about it, but he will never leave you in a position to exploit his suspicions, he does his best to help you do yours.
And when the object of his affection is distressed, angry or simply being a woman, he knows pampering is in order.
It takes a man well versed in the complexities of the feminine sex to know how to keep one. He knows we are shallow and easily appeased by the finer things, restaurants, jewelry. Even the opportunity to dress up and dangle uselessly at his side like some large ornament gives us the kind of sensations some men spend most of their lives trying to harvest from their woman, we literally glow.

I've learned something about romance that seemed antiquated before, respect can be a powerful substitute for love, especially if your one of those who have tired and lost interest in throwing your heart down fairy tail wishing wells.

Its not as hard as it sounds to be this man. You just have to care enough.

I myself didn't think he could be found, but find him I did, and now I wish I hadn't.

He lives on the other side of the world and promises to wait till I return, I promise myself to oblige his waiting.

2011-02-06T15:39:00.000-08:00

2011-01-31T15:22:00.000-08:00

Breza is way better then I honestly tought is was going to be... will post pictures and stories when I get home

Update

2011-01-18T10:20:00.001-08:00

So mom is freaking out with the notion that Ivana and I are going to be sold into human trafficking. My main concerns are that I am warm enough... I really don't know what to expect from the weather.

We are going shopping tomorrow. Shopping mmmmmmm :)

Thats alright I know you are but what am I

2011-01-12T11:51:00.000-08:00

2011-01-07T12:17:00.000-08:00

PS. I quite smoking "DONE"

You Will be Missed

2011-01-02T13:08:00.000-08:00

Till we see you again we'll remember you always.

2010-12-28T07:13:00.001-08:00

to remember you by

2010-12-26T09:58:00.000-08:00

Our hearts scream "never surrender" when are bodies have already let go

our spirits scream "forever"

we find dead things to try and grow

Dear

2010-12-07T13:35:00.000-08:00

its not hopeless... you haven't tried taking me shopping yet :)

where you came from

2010-12-05T12:46:00.000-08:00

The Kings finally did their own "African Child" music video... I know I know, still love them and LOVE this song

NAIL TIME

2010-11-23T08:02:00.000-08:00

2010-11-13T16:52:00.003-08:00

I'm not one of those people who were excited about the changes regarding sex with outsiders.
I truthfully like Family boys. Everything about them, but I've bit down and made the move successfully.
This last year there have been rock stars, attractive young interns at a hospital, surfer dudes and my favorite so far, a cross dressing lines-man. see below
That's a lot of boy friends in a small amount of time, every one seems to be really hung up on having a boy friend or girl friend out here. So even if you never have sex with the individual, they will call you their GF. If they take you out, kiss you in public thats what you are. The term "what are we" or "where is this going" is one you'll hear the world over.
Another very interesting feature is in my new found sex life. I quite simply don't have sex with most of these guys until we have dated for a few weeks or months. Naturally the rock star was the one acception. It seems that men think girls who take it to third base on the first night are messy, possibly inbred and not to be taken seriously. So it is with pretty much any one who acts impulsively with sex.
In the Family although not common, I didn't have too many reservations on having sex the first night mainly because I knew I wasn't waking up to a drug addict or diseased individual. Working at a bar has helped me build a pretty good list of stereotypes so I usually know whom to avoid.
Ultimately these new guys are not so bad. They can be emotional with anger issues, ultra jealous, drawn to acts of violence, or sometimes just overly trusting, I still think you'll find they are usually ready to make you top priority and even the biggest and baddest seems to have been waiting for you his whole life. Also monogamy becomes easier to practice when you develop a healthy fear of sex with acquaintances.
Falling in love is another issue all in it's self. Most men wont understand why you don't blush when they kiss your hand or how you can go weeks without as much as a phone call.
You have to have a heart before you know where home is. Once you sort all that out everything else falls into place....I think.
I spent last week at the Cervantino festival, so many guys from the Family all around. I looked but didn't touch, not this time. It all gets easier.
So be sweet, stay classy and have a good time.

Marie Clay

HalloWeeeeeeeeeeeeen"!!

2010-10-30T09:16:00.003-07:00

"MINE!"

So tender

he is such a giver

I fell inlove with a Tranny

. We later found out the guys were a good foot taller then we thought they were, our stilettos masked our height "Thank God"

the end

He's clad in a sent that bends the knees he's got arrogance but he never had me.

2010-10-29T11:25:00.000-07:00

Romance is losing it's luster. Maybe it was always overrated?

Hash House Harriers

2010-10-23T14:55:00.000-07:00

I have a friend who takes me on adventurous dates, anything from surfing late through the night, to taco stand hopping all throughout the central Houston aria. I imagine he spends his week searching the highways and byways for new and increasingly random ways to impress me.
More recently he stumbled on a secret society called The Hash House Harriers!
Its an international group of beer drinking runners. The only objective to their on call missions is to bring people together in an environment where every one can be themselves, get drunk and have a fantastic time while also getting in shape in a noncompetitive, friendly atmosphere.
In a Hash House run you'll spend a few hrs tracking another runner who gets a 15 min head start. The first runner will leave a spastic trail of flour. People will call out "on on" when they find a trail and every one dashes in that direction. Some times the head runner or "Hare" will lead you astray into dark muddy tunnels and if at the end of the marathon your shoes or muddied, you have to be humiliated in front of every one and forced to chug a beer. The Hare will also lead you to rest points where you'll find a chest full of beer, you are obligated to drink. Every one is also given a second name which they use only for running Hash House. At the end every one gathers around, pokes jokes at each other in an orderly, almost court house fashion. If you would like to speak, you raise your beer over your head, no one points at each other using fingers, we use our elbows. There are songs sung, one of my favorites is one every one sang while the last runner was being punished, it went something like "ass hole, ass hole, a solder I will be.
Being that we are close to Halloween, our Hare took us through a grave yard. Yes, he did throw flour on a few tomb stones. because we were punished for our muddied shoes we made sure he was punished by the congregation for sacrilege.
I spent a lot of the time laughing, for which I was gain punished for. The house of Hash takes itself very seriously.
I can't say I've ever had a time quite as fine as my run with the Hashers and I hope to make it to more gatherings. I enjoyed being cheeky and the making of degrading comments to other runners, some to myself.
When they called "on on" leading up a huge 100 foot incline, the runner next to me said "fuck my ass", it was my job to respond with "maybe later". While he was laughing, I was getting ahead, that also resulted in being punished for being an overachiever. Speaking of getting a head, "that's what she said jokes are very popular with these guys". if you don't have a very quick whit, you can always settle for "that's what she said".

anyway..." on on"

Happy Holloween!

2010-10-14T22:12:00.000-07:00

2010-10-02T17:57:00.000-07:00

So I've been hanging out with the older sister and she is Bad, I mean a really bad girl! I have to spank her all the time to keep her in check.
Just look at that face! Could there be a drop of anything innocent in those laughing eyes??

I try to keep up but I can't seem to drink enough.
So, after about a week of trying to "do as the Romans" I collapsed into the arms of an old friend.

!!!"V,V"!!!!

I'm glad we are on the same spot of earth!

In other news.

we just celebrated the 19th year of our beloved little brother Victor.

this "cat in the hat" themed cake built in his honor.

Happy birthday Libras!!

WE LOVE YOU!!!

new Job

2010-09-27T15:55:00.000-07:00

my new job is in a sports bar called Reff's, I get to wear this cute little one piece .

NO complaints here.

Time Travelers

2010-09-25T18:26:00.000-07:00

Felipe is still at it, making music in Brazil.

You sound as good as every Felipe!! One of my favorite easy listening music styles.

Here is one sweet little number called "Fooled Around"!
Thanks again!!

2010-09-23T15:26:00.000-07:00

Have you lost your mind
would you like me to find it for you again
no loner on my way
I avoid the places you and I have been

weren't you so sweet
your breath in my ear
my insides where
you'd release your fear

isn't it all the same
the things we say
that complicate
our reasons for being here

And I'm sorry to run away
I just can't ignore the stain tho its captivating
the way you're hearts been braking
the blame is every one else's to bear

but this time
I wont be the cure for this human heart decease
we'll never know for sure if it was you or it was me
and I'm still ok
this far unmaimed

I don't need to lie
I love you
forever
good bye

The OTHER American Idols

2010-09-16T09:34:00.001-07:00

2010-09-15T10:03:00.000-07:00

****Podunk Punk*****

We really wanted to accentuate the "dirty" side of country life.

Our Models were fearless in the undertaking of this monumental movement.

I don't think fashion will ever be the same

Make up, hair and photos are all the work of Martin Goode

2010-09-14T21:29:00.000-07:00

My boss has a pet name for me. It's "Dora the Explorer". None of the other waitresses have pet names so I've been getting a lot of dirty looks. Girls do that, they shut you out and squint their eyes at you, guys are too friendly to do that.
Men are so cute and sweet and friendly.

Anyway my nick name is "Dora the Explorer" because I wear a hat to work and have short black hair and speak Spanish and have an understanding of Latin American Languages and cultures. I dance around and I'm friendly... friendliness is important.

I try to make more girl friends but girls are no fun at all.
Every one knows girls are weird and lame. At least 70% of all women are gossips with overly emphasized insecurities (which are secretly NOT insecurities but ways they get attention) I would know!!
In the past I wished I could bury myself in a rug-bee team. I may have gotten my wish because now I'm ironically feeling smothered. As it turns out, I am the marrying type. I have "bring me home to your mama" written all over my face.

So I'm avoiding the guys until I regain the "naughty play boy" forehead mark. snicker
One man is too many, and two are three-many and so on.
I shall not cuddle, I shall not flirt, I shall not make moves and I shall by NO means meet your Mom!!
I shall be good and study.

the end

2010-09-13T11:27:00.000-07:00

always have this piece of you,
something beautiful buried under
.....everything else

your own personal Jesus

2010-09-09T20:43:00.000-07:00

Favorite Artist hits the nail on the head.
Lisa Hannigan
Acknowledging this is a Johny cash song, Lisa still makes it her own by bring Johnny's melancholic sound down just by a few notches. I think she's spot on in her choice of Chash favorites. You could say "Lisa put the JC back in Johny Cash.... winkle

Yo Bama

2010-08-15T14:46:00.000-07:00

2010-08-06T17:00:00.000-07:00

Atlanta, amazing city, unique people, potentially romantic... but thus far the word flashing in neon lights is "Pandemonium".
I'm hoping to do some serious damage in this town, at least before she does some serious damage to me.
thats all for now.

Here comes trouble

2010-07-11T07:48:00.000-07:00

"Alas my dear Rosie I am becoming frightfully borde.

... think I should fancy an adventure in Atlanta!

in deed"

"Whatever shall I do without you darling? Only time will tell.

Likely become rich and famous... not withstanding my obvious disdain regarding your disposition."

"still, I shall love you forever my dear, fair thee well"!

2010-07-01T14:27:00.000-07:00

in case any one wanted to know.. this sing is the shhhiiiizzz

2010-06-28T10:39:00.000-07:00

I sat down today for the first time in a long while to try and crack a spark in my relationship with the Lord.
I've been mad at him you see, can't help but feel like we don't have a give and take relationship. I can't help but feel like he does all the taking. Humiliates and degrades me with his gigantic finger pointing in my face mocking my life and my decisions, decisions he asked me to make. Love he asked me to give and sacrifices he asked me to make. My life was after all lived just for him.
I've been angry at him and figured he must be so with me as we haven't spoken since my world last fell apart.
Again and again, another regurgitated relationship I had baked with such love and care. Another mission the Lord and I built from floor up lost and it's ashes thrust into the wind. Another moment of meaninglessness.
But all I wanted was freedom from the start, a love that gave me freedom, a field that gave me freedom. At the end of the day none of these things changed me, I realise I am a powerful creation. I've been crafted in powerful hands and no, they aren't pointing laughing. My core is the same and freedom is still my hearts cry.
I'm here with my mom and she is ranting on about a new idea for "the butterfly" concept. She plans on using balloons to reanimate the switch from an ugly creepy crawler into an explosive display of color and life.
I guess I shouldn't be so surprised by all the very predictable cause for my grief, after all, He never promised I wouldn't hurt, he even gave me a new name to remind me that I would always be crushed and broken... How I hate him...

In the end we all have to stand alone before the throne. There will be no one to hide behind, no religion or movement to blame for our lack of love, no good enough reason for why we gave up.
We are born naked and he will receive us naked. Those are my mother's words. And likeweise no one can make me give up but me.
I realise I am a fuck up and i'll never try to hide behind acomplishment. I have nothing without him, everything good bout me is his.
I can't serve drinks anymore when my life has been infused with turth and principal. I owe it to my mother and to the many brakings I can only hope every one will have a chance to experience.

I'm sorry I'm intense but I wouldn't trade carefree for depth and apparently neither would He,
Even when I traded in my heritage for husks.

I LOVE this picture

2010-06-26T08:36:00.000-07:00

great song, great lyrics

2010-06-12T23:27:00.003-07:00

not so sure about the naked men....

We found him

2010-06-09T12:08:00.000-07:00

My half brother Abrahim.

Bahia Brazil

he speaks a bit of English, but its great cause we both get to work on a foreign language when we chat.
Another reason I must go back.

living the future

2010-05-27T22:45:00.000-07:00

The children's mental ward doesn't allow us to take pictures of the kids but we can take pictures of our general activities. Not many things in this world can compare to Michelle's face.... Lord knows what she'll do with that spatula. We bring a little life, a bit of music and a lot of love to these kids, just like we've always done. Special thanks to Michelle for coming to see me. I love you woman!! So great to see you again! And to "I Hop" for donating all the pancakes for the kids and Mike Dart "Activity Director"

2010-05-24T18:22:00.000-07:00

Marty is fine and so is Eliot , bit banged up but I think he'll live to make more music. Hooray

Cut my hair.

I went to visit our children's hospital last tuesday, brought my balloons and guitar. My very favorite place to play is in places like this, white walls and sedatives., my audience is forced to listen ha ha, and anyway music sounds louder in places where every thing else is kept inside, all their hurt, the things they can't say out loud.
I was thinking about my own childhood and what the Lord did for me, guess thats why I keep finding myself back in these white, washed rooms filled with young trouble makers and misfits and I love each and every one of them.
I'm such a loser haha.
Here is a song from Eliot's last band
Prototype
its not the real thing baby!

pro

2010-05-15T23:49:00.000-07:00

if love is a game then it'd be a shame if i couldn't play with you

so lets put on our sneakers an head for the bleacher to watch how the players do.

Waka Waka

2010-05-03T20:44:00.000-07:00

I like it... don't ask, I just do

2010-04-24T11:49:00.000-07:00

Ever have sex with an alligator?
I learned how this week when I got bumped up to bar tender.
I'm the only female bar tender at the baby A's Restaurant, sex appeal was needed behind the bar to up sales.
Lots of pressure but this far I'm catching on pretty quick.
Up side of bar tending is that people are always friendly when they want a drink. food makes people grouchy and demanding. The same girls who stiffed me on a wednesday night were introducing me to their single guy friends and cheering for me thursday night when I was put behind the bar.
I'm great with small talk anyhow. Uping your sales has a lot to do with talking to people, keeping them there by means of "this conversation is so interesting" will get them to buy drink after drink while waiting for you to come back around as apposed to waiting tables where you do all the "waiting".

Cheers

2010-04-20T18:58:00.001-07:00

I got my driver's license the other day. Whats taken a ridiculously long time to see done I was able to take care of in a month and a half. The one giving me the driven test said I only made one mistake, "a crazy right hand turn".

All I really want is some time to get stuff done, its a "if you want something done you have to do it yourself" thing. Some times you just have to brake away, dig in and realise that your the only one going to make things happen for yourself.

Anyway, I'm tired and stressed... ran into one too many brick walls today.

I'm afraid a longer post would turn ugly.

peace.

Something to cross off the "things I've never done" list

2010-04-07T09:04:00.000-07:00

A good restaurant has much in common with a well run Family home. Pretty much the only thing they don't have is a home Shepherd which is fine cause a good manager will be equally concerned about his/her employees. Just as in a Family home you've got the over achievers, the under achievers and the maintainers. A five star restaurant will have every one looking out for each other, filling in extra duties, helping out that some one who may be busy and stressed expecting that you'll receive the same in your time of need. If your only committed to taking care of your tables and clients, the restaurant will gradually crumble under the weight of neglected clients and dutys.
One of our bartenders came up to me the other day as I was running around and addressed me by my name. "We have our eye on you kid, just wanted you to know we see you and your doing a great job, we need more people like you, your a maximizer! Turns out this particular bartender is the owner's brother.

I'm moving up in the world folks hahaha. Before you know it I'll be this months Hornitos champion! Winner wins 100 bucks and a cut on the manager's winnings.
Love you all, thinking of you and as always "Please tip your waitress"

this one was cute

2010-03-25T18:53:00.000-07:00

I got the good one...he has an emotional twin brother, always avoid those ones.
Come home from work and there were two fat babies in the living room and a sexy mommy taking pictures in my room. Random. This one reached out as if he wanted to pick ME up! I was like...umm hello"and we became friends. I guess I got some pictures snapped of me in the process of the photo shoot... These are the only pictures I've had taken in a while so THERE!
I think I like kids now... or at least some times they like me.

a little peice of me

2010-03-04T20:09:00.000-08:00

The Goode Life

2010-03-03T12:14:00.000-08:00

thinking of changing Splat's title to "the Goode Life".
So much life to be excited about.

David F sent me the track to my song "Rainbows"...I have to be honest I didn't think he would come through. Few people ever live as big as they talk and I'm honored to have some one like David on my side.
Lord willing we'll take on a few more songs together.

And now..The Goode Life.

THE END

Driving

2010-02-27T07:44:00.000-08:00

This week I got my permit to drive. Nothing beats having your own car but Rosie lets me drive to work and stuff. I'm super happy. I've been just rearing to drive and to have it come to me so quickly with so little effort on my part is so exciting. At this rate I'll have my driver's license in by next week.

I's a real blessing to be given time and opportunity to tackle all those things I've been worried about and if I keep up my pace getting my own car isn't too far into the horizon. Right now I'm working on my credit and I'll be looking into options to pick up on neglected scholastics.

All this and its also just been a load of fun mooching off the Henderson's family. We've been making the best of each day and there's always laughs and fun times to be had. Work is never so easy as when you have wonderful people to come home to. Thats something I've been really blessed with in my last two situations.

Making snow Angels

Just being girls!

drying out our wet pants

All in all I'm happy in case any of you were wondering, nothing will get you going like just getting up off your butt and GOING! Because happiness doesn't come to you, you have to run out and grab it as it falls from the sky in big white flakes! Enjoy every day with whoever God's given you to enjoy it with.

bet you've never seen a Pizza smile before

Yada yada I'm Amazing

The Henderson's Perfect day/ link to slide show
http://the9journey.blogspot.com/2010/02/life-is-wonderful.html slide show

choking down the hurt with spoon fulls of antidepressants.

2010-02-18T14:03:00.000-08:00

After our lunch conference with mom my head was swimming with idea for the opening of the Juvenile Delinquent Center here in Austin. It was quite a hurdle for my mom to jump, but jump it she did and the Travis County Juvenile Delinquency Center is ours for the taking. Working with these boys is some of the most fulfilling work I've done in the Family Missionary movement. Now the only thought I'm plagued with is fitting in time to make classes, put together music and regularly visit the Center while still keeping my life, work and study in focus.I guess its the challenge we'll all be having to face one way or another.
When your not living in a big, communal home you find yourself responsible for everything, the balls in your court and there is no one else to pin delays on. In order for me to cover all sides its a constant mental struggle to put off that extra hour of sleep. Sleep is the only thing that appeals to me these days, sleep is the one thing that threatens my "Zero Tolerance to Procrastination Campaign", sleep and my dirty bathroom that I should be cleaning right now, right now because its my free day. Free days are for blogging and an extra hour at the gym.

Mercy Henderson is sorting through baby clothes for her brother John and Kaori's baby. I'm glad I get to have a say in the way I look, that poor baby doesn't stand a chance. There really are so many things to be thankful for, just yesterday Mercy and I went to the Children's Mental Ward to make balloon art for the kids and cheer them up a bit. They call these kids crazy. After hearing some of their stories it kind of made me sad, the world has very different views on what they call crazy. The way I saw those kids and their diagnosis was anything but crazy. They're just young people who've been forced into some very adult situations having not been given the tools to deal with them. They will do the best they can with the cards they've been dealt, and then after the agony of having to make decisions they were not prepared to make in the first place the world responds with prescription pills and mental therapy in a white wall facility that crushes the little bit of child left inside them.

A ten year old boy hung himself the other day, it was on the news. He should have been getting mental help" every one said, all I could think of was what kind of world did this poor child live in to require he need mental help at all? And why did no one respond until it was too late? The children in this Clinic were more emo then insane. To me, insanity is a world that motivates us not to feel, to turn a blind eye or choke down the hurt with spoon fulls of antidepressants.

After Mercy and I went home I knew I would find a way to be a missionary, even with all there is to do listening and caring for these young people is my calling... and you know what they say about where there is a will...

2010-02-10T22:03:00.000-08:00

lunch date with mom: they aren't leaving the Family, they ARE the Family"!

2010-02-03T12:37:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is my last day in Guadalajara. Its cold and rainy. Makes me think this town is bearing down on me. "Just Go" she says while blowing icy winds and dropping cold tears down my head. And it was so sunny only days ago.
We agreed that I would stay, but a few weeks ago I jumped on a boat without much though. I just knew it would pass me by if I didn't.
As I watched myself be carried away, the further I got the more I became sure it was the right choice. Peace was the out come of my decision.
I want to say that I'll be back once I've achieved my goals for 2010 but that's wishful thinking and if anything 2009 has taught me that wishes get you nowhere but a cold deep well.
Had to say good bye again, had to pack and throw away half my belongings again, had to allow the cold into my life again to make me strong enough to accept my predicament.
I'll write more once I'm in Austin...hopefully a happier note

Clay

2010-02-02T07:43:00.000-08:00

Desafinado (out of tune) 


I had the lyrics in English up, but they were pretty off so I took them down!!
if i get time I'll try and interpret them as best as I can! XX

My Sport

2010-01-25T09:57:00.001-08:00

Men should dance more.
I went to a Salsa night in Austin Texas, it seems in the USA cultural dance is what old married couples do once they've retired because the only ones on the floor were 45 and 60 year olds. Cute but also sad.
Nothing is sexier then a guy who knows how to rumba or salsa me across the floor, while on the same token few things or more embarrassing then dancing in a room full of experts with some one who is completely lost, "trust me"
Dancing is fun, but some times I long for a firm hand behind my back guiding me rather then two hands on my butt grinding me.

point being.... guys should learn proper dance form and girls should give Major props when they do! Because the truth is, without the guy, a girl's technique wont go far and isn't nearly as fun.

the darndest things Emo's say

2010-01-23T11:31:00.000-08:00

Mozart:Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.

Mike Krome's last comment on face book. We must savor it

Worth Your Time

2010-01-12T20:36:00.000-08:00

This Too Shall Pass

Christmas at home

2010-01-03T20:42:00.000-08:00

It didn't work out for me to be with my family for Cmas, but Christmas didn't lack for warmth. Tom and Chantal are probably the closest thing I could have to family, they give meaning to the term.

I was thinking about what they say, how friends are often made when you least felt deserving.
I guess its because we value it more when we know we aren't deserving.
I love you, I don't deserve you.

This song makes me cry cause it says I love you so many times haha. Dedicated to 2009

Kinks

2009-12-27T13:09:00.000-08:00

Christmas highlights.

On the 23 a friend took me to see Avatar in the VIP theater where we drank strawberry margaritas the whole way through. Amazing film, sheer entertainment dramatized by an alien romance, a crippled star performance and an amazing theme that would make Boris "Awe".
Then later while sick in bed, I caught up on some movie watching, a boot leg version of "New Moon" which is fine cause the dashing vampire kid's skin doesn't ever appear to be satanically twinkling" in sunlight.
I know, I know LAME! but can you blame me? I am compelled by having seen the first one.
Needless to say It was LAME, just like the first one, although something is to be said about Bella's trauma, having every man in her life leave her spontaneously to pursue monsterdom. Hats off to the writer.
So have a great new years every one. And check out this great Chines proverb!
"If you don't think about (ponder, consider) the future, then you won't have a future."
So here's to every one "Pondering" their future. I'm still working out the kinks in mine... I'm sworn to secrecy until its a sure thing!
Peace and joy to the world out!
Bella's Christmas

Die Hard

2009-12-21T20:08:00.000-08:00

YIPPIE KAYAYE!

Maybe die hard is a pointless action film that inspires violence and destruction, but when I see Bruce Willic bloody and soiled in his wife beater, I think of the principal behind the whole "Die Hard" theme. I remember my dad; unyielding to peer pressure in all its faces .
Maybe adopting 7 wild children and their over protective mother wasn't exactly saving the USA from terrorism, but he pulled it off with the very same gusto, some how managed to always get beat up too.

This is ALMOST a spitting image of my da, throw in some twin bushy eye brows and Presto!
Christmas normally is a time when I miss him more then ever, but this year I'm using my father's image to assist me in upholding an old family tradition.

Bruce takes being a Man to a whole new level.
I'm going to man up to the changes and the pressure, I made the choice today so you could say
Die hard is my theme for the next year.
Happy Birthday dad!!
Ho ho ho

2009-12-21T10:23:00.000-08:00

Aw, look how happy Jesus was to get some Christmas Cheer!

2009-12-18T19:09:00.000-08:00

I'm so proud of Chantal. We had our grand opening two weeks ago and the English school for children has been very successful thus far.
Looks like the mothers will be wanting to apply for next year as well! Very inspiring!

The first class each child made their own gingerbread house to take home. We made Christmas angels with the kids and had a puppet show "in English".
The mothers are invited into the living room and we keep the coffee coming as well as fresh baked goods.
On top of being great financially and just plain fun, the "Open the Door for the Children" as we call it, has been a great way to meet people and make friends.

PS, you may have notice beer bottles on the work table. Fear not, we didn't have rollers so we had the kids use the beer bottles, turned out to be a smash hit among the moms who thought it was hilarious
xxx hope every one is having a cheerful Christmas
" I LOVE "!!
Clay

~~ Yahoo Memoirs ~~

2009-12-03T18:35:00.000-08:00

Chapter *1*

: Sam! status report!

: I hope your friends like six packs
: ROAR!!

: sure do
: so u'll be there!

: lets see who's is the best

: I'm bringing some draft beer from Germany.
: Beat that!

: haha
: at this rate i'll be ripped by the time i see you
: lets see who has a better 6 pack
: is it on?

: are you serious?
: u mean, a muscle six pack??

: yeah man

: ok...hmm...good challenge, I have a secret wepon
: lets see who's method is better
: got to go work out
: see ya

: lets see who finishes first

~~~~~~~ * ~~~~~~~~

two people

four weeks

one challenge

one winner

................Did NOT know what he was dealing with?? Weaker sex my Rock Sold Butt!

to be continued

Clay

Photo Up Date

2009-11-30T07:19:00.000-08:00

Seems such a shame to have to put a mask on such a beautiful face but he looks a bit Don Juan now :D Heee! I LOVE this man!

Ironic that the only photos I have of our show were the ones taken the last night cause that night meant the most to me. I guess the Lord doesn't want me to forget it.

I had no motivation from the beginning of the day. Every one at Cervantino seemed to stay up till at least 4 every night. New people, new faces. When I got to the stage everything was fine, I was just tired. I had a little brake down as I was buying coffee to wake me up. The chick was taking advantage of me cause she could tell I was foreign so I just kind of lost it. The next 10 minuets before our skit I spent crying. After the first skit my big strong friend caught on and took me in his arms, held my face and told me I would be ok. My show with David was next. When I got on stage every one in the crowed was sitting down. No feed whatsoever. I felt it would be a rough show. It's hard to perform when your audience is giving you nothing. I wanted to sit down myself. David was also placed on the far side of the stage so I couldn't touch him or make eye contact which made me feel alone, very frustrating as our music was all about contact and feeling each other's groove rather then tempo and timing.
I sputtered my way through the first song, I wasn't breathing correctly and feeling nothing at all. I couldn't brake through the barrier and had little desire to try. Second song I was still not there, there was a huge gap between me, my guitarist and the audiance. I wanted to get off the stupid stage and sit down with them. My mind waundered so far that I forgot my own lyrics, started singing the Portuguese song in English. I looked over to David and he grinned, that meant everything is going to be fine, just keep going. I felt the tears trying to resurface and I choked them down. Second verse, I also started that one in English and quickly rebounded back to Portuguese. Tisk, tisk..what the hell am I doing"? I thought. I was so glad when the song was over. David and I were asked to do an extra song with no prior practice (as was the Cervantino custom haha). David sang, I did a small part with harmonies. It was just what I needed to pull myself together. David's voice is so pretty.
During the last song the mixers finally realized the terrible feed back that had been going on through the whole show was due to David's mic. So "Holly Blessed Jesus" they moved David closer to me. We were finally reunited as band mates haha! From there we had one song left, one magical song. We both let go and just made love to our audience through the music. It felt so good, I finally made contact. Thanks to David we managed to bridge the musical gap.
When I got off stage I couldn't bear to look at any of the other musicians, I got all choked up when several of them came up to David and myself saying it was by far the best set yet and that was the norm for comments the rest of the night. I knew in my heart that it was only the Lord, I made a mess of everything and in His mercy He mastered the out-put to where it came out sounding (apparently) amazing! TYJ. Chris G said he was proud of me. I looked at him and told him what a mess I made and he looked puzzled. "no way"? I told him I cried before the set and was a mess the whole way through. He looked at me and said " ah, that's why it was amazing". Chris used to say you can only really trust some one's voice if they are singing while crying, singing with a broken heart, its impossible to "put anything on" or fake it when your crying. The show was a confirmation of his theory.
I'm just happy Dav and I made it through. I told him I was sorry and he said "I would have kept playing till you got it right". haha GBH. I'm thrilled by the heavy spirit of love I was feeling through it all. I think part of the reason for my tears was due to just being overwhelmed by all the love. Every one was so sweet and beautiful. I just felt unworthy. And we really are, each of us are nothing without him, just a sputtering, blundering, idiot who has no business being on stage.

"a serious disadvantage" ??

2009-11-20T13:25:00.000-08:00

(Mama) Retaining a spirit of love and unselfishness, giving and sacrifice for the sake of others, continuing to look out for one another, to care for one another, and choose to do what Jesus would do in each situation, is one of the most important things we can do through this period of change and transition in the Family.
It’s my and Peter’s sincere hope and prayer that we will each do our best to be aware of the needs of others, to bear one another’s burdens, to lift up and support those who are vulnerable or in need, and to, as this short article puts it, “think about the next guy.”

Love, the one thing that's always separated the Lord's children from seas of varying religions and faiths, the one good thing worth trying to be. God is love, that pretty much says it all.

It shouldn't be so complicated but for the last few months since the change program started I've been confused, every things so much more complicated.

I've struggled with the concept of love, how it sometimes seems so far away from daily life and routine. Recently I even battled with the idea that being loving is being weak, caring about another person and being vulnerable is weakness. "a serious disadvantage" as a friend of mine put it.

The idea of being cold and indifferent has seeped into the very strong holds of my faith. It's become more and more natural for us to encourage ourselves to think this way, but as I assessed my life I realized its just not nor could it ever be in my nature. If I were to actually move in that direction and huddle together with the masses, it would only add to the insanity. It would be a drop in the bucket but the world is leaking an gushing into this bucket. I'll be a drop out of the bucket.

Life does come full circle. All the times you bit down, said something nice when everything inside was screaming in wretched, perverse, agony...it truly pays off, you'll find yourself scooping up in armfuls what you sowed. Lalalalala life comes full circle.

So I took some time to finally hear from the Lord about these changes, what seems to be a contradiction of the free spirit and dedication I joined the family for.

I hoped this prophecy would be helpful to all my friend's and loved ones struggling with the same discouragement.

I love you

Like a bridge over troubled waters, I can teach you to be steady, and solid in your emotions and decisions, a strong oak where others can cling to when the winds of adversity are blowing hard.
I know there is so much you want for your own life, right now every one is searching themselves, trying to find what it is they've been held back from doing all this time but that's really beside the point. When your in my will you ARE doing just what you should be and even though I want people to find new levels of fulfillment, going about it that way already is showing how much some one's heart was in my word, my business. This change program wasn't designed to throw The Family up in the air like a gigantic pizza in hope all the pieces fall where they should. It is designed to sift through my children, it's a great purging. If your heart is set on things above and not things of this earth, on the spirit of love, then the change program will only enhance your discipleship and make you all the more a force to be reckoned with in this dark world. For you cannot love the lost whom you have not seen if you struggle with loving your brother and sister. You cannot lay down your life for the sheep without laying down your life for your brethren.
I know you can feel helpless and alone, every one is having to stand on their own two feet and face themselves they way I see them. Every one is really evaluating the depth of the revolution within themselves.
So let it try you, I have faith that if you hold on and cling to me, you will be an even stronger woman of God. In this time others will need you to speak faith and be encouraging. let your brokenness speak faith to my dear ones, people trust broken hearts. Only broken hearts can see eye to eye with a troubled soul, through the pretense and feelings of inadequacy and into the potential there is in each of my children. The change is going to expose a lot of ugliness, people who are out for self gain and its so important that my little love lights burn all the stronger during this time. our love for each other is what has always separated you from the church system. With out this love, many will be lost that are in the Family, and that could have joined.
So let your love so shine and don't be ashamed or feel weak like your disadvantaged because you love. As the world gets darker, love will glow all the brighter! Let love reign.
I love you Clay.

Viva La Revolution!

the "Naked" truth

2009-11-17T19:32:00.000-08:00

Busted!"

Aperantly Chris Guitar has been working both sides.
He goes under the Alias Gianluca Grignani.

Chris?Chris??
No more lies Chris !

The best part of the Video is when chris is playing drums and throws the sticks in the air...very smooth, but it totally gives you away!

Even the Video screams and oozes with your style...nice try.

24

2009-11-10T05:24:00.000-08:00

It happened on the 8th...but Im only posting now (sorry)
I think its going to be an amazing year and it has really already been!

The only pictures I have preforming at the Cervantino are with my WS guitarist and I can't post pictures with him (sorry) again.

BUT here is a before show photo my dear friend took of me

And then came the moment I knew I was destined for my whole life, through tears and puberty, waiting for that moment I knew would come.
I got off stage after our first little show and there he was, siting peacefully next to his wife, so peaceful it would be almost impossible to convince you he was about to rock the slide guitar on a intensely lit stage for hundreds.
He motioned for me to come over and said in the coolest accent you ever herd " was that you up there just then"? I sheepishly nodded (wait for it...) "that was great"! You have an Amazing voice, I love your sound"....
People, people, people... it means little or nothing when a perfectionist receives a compliment on something they know without doubt is far from perfect as an art form. The polite thing is of course, to graciously accept the compliment and move on, work harder. But! when a musical marvel, aged in the light of center stage, who has preformed SO many concerts to the point it no longer even makes him cold sweat or short of breath, says anything to apriciate your God given skill... its earth shaking! That poor little man got way more hugs from me then he bargained for.
later Jeremy signed my ol guitar and patted me on the back "keep singing"... life changing.

Im so glad I went to the Cervantino, it really was life changing. Even with all the intense changes the Family is still who we have always been. I was flipped out to meet and see us doing what we do best, reaching out, being little mirrors of the Lord's love to the world.
I love you All and miss you
Clay

Sam's big red freakin truck

2009-11-04T10:26:00.000-08:00

When a woman goes through heart brake, she'll buy chocolate, watch self motivational films and what not....
when a man's heart brakes, he buys a TRUCK!!
BAM!

The guys don't play around, "broken heart, eat my dust"

soon to come...Cervantino update"!

2009-10-25T09:12:00.000-07:00

something I painted a while back using water acrylics...just trying it on

I have my reasons

2009-10-23T08:31:00.000-07:00

I can honestly say there was a time when I wanted to be Jeremy Spencer...I was about 8"

Everybody wants to be a Music Teacher

2009-10-18T10:28:00.000-07:00

alas I've already had mine...

heart brakers anonymous: Hello every one! My names Chris...
group: Hello Chris!
I Just wanted to say, Im amazing!

And hes back... poor poor Jenny

Out of the blue my old heart throb Chris Guitar started writing me about music (of course)
He and I will be playing together at the Cervantino festival. YAY!
So I proved myself right AGAIN... sigh! you can be friends after you've been "Friends"

Thanks for everything Chris!

My my... I love old school pictures!

A taste of things to come... looking forward to it!

scary....

I want to be thoroughly used up when I die

2009-10-16T11:17:00.000-07:00

I'd almost forgotten how to appreciate the little things.
the weird comments the kids make to each other, how only another 3 year old can understand and reply with something equally confusing.
The fact that my underwear match today.
My own room and a brand new lap top just in time to study XD.
Sam.
Thank you for the Little things Lord.

My choice quote for the month.

Purpose: This is the true joy in life—being used for a purpose … being a force of nature, instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die. Life is no brief candle to me. It's a sort of splendid torch which I've got to hold up for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.—George Bernard Shaw

Men!

2009-10-02T00:27:00.000-07:00

its rainy season on the splat life

2009-09-26T10:35:00.000-07:00

I've learned something valuable this week.
I spoke with some one important about my hurts, the things that bothered me and made me feel like I can't go on.
My heart was actually full of anger and feelings that I was right and the world had turned it's back on me.
The response of my listener and the solution we came to was beautiful and I think post worthy.

If people don't know our heart and if all we ever do is bite down and swallow our feelings, refusing to let anyone see, we are creating a circle that has no end, where there is no exit, no hope of being free.
How can people help us and make our lives easier when they don't even know the lava curdling inside.
When I opened my heart to this some one, I felt that even though he couldn't fix the problems or change the past, at least finally some one knew. By sharing my heart maybe other situations could be salvaged and handled with more care. On top of that he was able to clear up a lot of smoke for me and helped me with my perspective.
I felt stupid for keeping it all in for so long. Maybe my pride held me back, wanting to believe I was strong and afraid of what may happen if this weakling was allowed to be made know to those who look up to me or those I look up to.
My fear of imperfection was exactly what was holding me back from being whole. None of us are capable of never making mistakes, of never feeling hurt. Opening up is healing. Silence is a slow death to all hope and love we have inside of us.
We can't be angry with the world for shutting us out when we haven't opened the door to let her in.

Clay

weekend with Older sister with a capital "Ohhh"

2009-09-15T20:39:00.001-07:00

singing song to mom with ultra dorky look on my face while play wothless, fit for a trash heep guitar Yes...I did gain 5 kls...but you never lose by gaining heh..ehem! but it was worth it, every greasy, sugar covered dumpling "Pose like your happy!"

The End

I love the Bible

2009-09-03T07:21:00.000-07:00

And you thought the book wasn't cool

Memoirs of a Mum

2009-09-02T20:00:00.000-07:00

It has been two weeks, two weeks of poo poo diapers, bumps on the head, out bursts of unidentified emotion and cries that sound the closest thing to "Down? Down?"
If Its not smashing Its head against a mirror intentionally Its tumbling off the bed unintentionally, if Its not eating then Its pooping. Also with my limited research and expertise I have decided It speaks a blend of Japanese and Pig Latin but the exact dialect is inconclusive.
It ways more then a 5 month old Doberman Pincher yet It can hardly walk by Itself thus I must carry It around for a whopping third of my 14 hour day.
It has also mastered the art of sleeping while doing summer-salts around the bed, Iv tried to strap It down to one designated spot but then the screaming starts.
Despite being wickedly picky about It's food, poop some how seems to be optional on It's menu and if not watched carefully, routine diaper duty can turn into dung tasting "an you kiss yo mama with that mouth?". It also appears she is incapable of learning, repetition means little or nothing at all. If the specimen decides It wants something nothing but time will erase that something from It's memory banks, thankfully as an up side, God arranged these memory banks to last a full two minuets if handled properly (see Parenting For Dummies)

Ya, I'll be a horrid parent but the house is always clean and so are the kids, oh yes! there are two of them but thank heaven only one is a gooper aka baby.
Three days left playing mommy. Pray I get home in one piece

Clay

All American rejects tra la la

2009-08-08T08:46:00.000-07:00

The best song/music video ever... or at least today
Move Along

Following the eating habit of a worm.

2009-08-04T08:38:00.000-07:00

I'm sure Worms, like the Illuminati, know things they keep hidden from the masses in order to maintain absolute health while the rest of the world withers and dies of cancer and STDs .
Motive? Worms EAT us, worms eat people!
Worms found in your pantry that leave webs, skin remnants or eggs, are know as “inch worms” or "The Indianmeal moth worms”. Yes I said moth. Actually a lot of the "worms" you find in your pantry are really just moth larva, so no, its not cute when moths fly out of your pantry.
So being that we are just under the food chain I decided it was wise to do some research.
We already know proper eating habits are essential to long life, health/strength and even beauty. These things put you ahead of the game. How do we know where to start in achieving omnipotence? How do we become one step ahead of our enemy, the worm, in this case the Indian meal moth/worm? You can start by asking yourself a few simple questions.

Have you ever seen a worm dive into a barrel of sugar? Even if it's raw, natural sugar??
DO worms go for the white flour or the whole? Maybe both but which is given preference?
Does the ice berg lettuce often have worms hiding in it's layers, or is that your real green vegetables like broccoli and spinach?
have you EVER in your life found worms in the white rice?
how about the whole rice?
Oat meal, does it have worms?

I have also noticed that worms will go straight for the nuts (almonds, pecans) far before the sugar covered raisins that have been sitting open in the pantry for two weeks.
In fact worms pretty much avoid sugar with the acceptance of chocolate in many cases. Can you blame them?
Now if you've been starving your worms and keeping your natural, unprocessed foods under lock and key, they may just get desperate and go for the beans.
"Beans? you ask. Yes! I've often founds worms drilling holes through our homes bean stash but that's usually when everything else has become impossible for them to reach. But we already know beans are part of healthy eating habits. Though beans are highly infamous, their nutritional value is kept secret or down played in most western countries by the Illuminati
My point being....
Think like a worm!

Post #2

2009-07-26T13:32:00.000-07:00

I remembered that we are all bi-polar, because of the carnal mind vs the Spirit Mind in us!

So, it's like
ok
JESUS took care of all the cursed disclaiming, right?
Yes &
now we have to follow suit

finding how to keep the Vic
even when all around is un-niceness
even in our own egocentric (ha)
lives, that
well
we are fighters to
Rise above it with Love & prayer & all the virtues
which
disclaim the Vic

in conclusion

The Victory is ours
in our 1st Love and Husband
Whoooopeeee .............................................Ivn Ho

Tks da Ho, always ready to relate..some how hahah

To: YOU

Date: TODAY
From: GOD
Subject: YOURSELF
Reference: LIFE

This is God. Today I will be handling All of your problems for you.. I do Not need your help. So, have a nice day.

I love you.

Post

2009-07-04T18:08:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the flowers". Yeah well I had an extra buck and didn't want to give to the beggar outside, he would probably just use it to buy booze.
The Disclaimer-er.
Some people have the habit of stamping big fat disclaimers on charitable or otherwise NICE things they do and say to other people, this makes it awkward and confusing for the recipient. "do I say thank you"?
When you place a disclaimer on something nice you have done for another person you essentially take one step forward and then one back. You look nice"..why thank you.."yeah well we all need encouragement". I did your white load for you" wow God bless you. Yeah well my load was too small so I dumped yours in there to fill up the machine".
How about "I miss you...some times".
Some people just can't bear to hear "thank you" as if they don't want to be pinned down for something nice. Behold the classic "it was nothing" Don't Mention it".
If it's nothing and no effort went into it, then what good can we derive from it?
Now, imagine how frustrating this kind of behavior is for the guys who enjoy making other people feel loved and happy and the sweetness and WONDERFULNESS of being loved by every one in return!
The Gusher. "I can't wait to see you, life is so dull and boring without you"! Disclaimer " yeah well I find ways to make the time go by".
Disclaimers actually (by habit) look for ways to malign anything nice they may have done and whats sadder, they look for holes in sweetish things done unto them.
Gusher: "I got you your FAVORITE chocolate EVER to show you I was thinking of you and love you. joy, joY, JOYNESS"! Disclaimer: Ermm, I've been having too much of those, been meaning to cut it out of my diet..but thanks".
Even if a Gusher is trying to cut back on chocolate, or only misses you a little bit, they wont actually tell you. Gushers are feel good people, not NEEDY people, don't get the two mixed up.
So what do we do with the Disclaimer-ers?? Nothing, because it was nothing remember?? So when I'm Gusher-ing, I'm FEEL-GOOD-ing... not to be confused with NEEDY-ing... just a little disclaimerAccept thank yous, say thank you and stand by your good deeds of love and WONDERFULNESS"
Clay

Can you say "YAAY"!

2009-06-17T20:44:00.000-07:00

Its mom's __th birthday!

we are going to Jump her when she gets Back!

we love you Lady!

This ones for mom. And every other Brazilian far from home.
PS.. Brazil beat the USA soccer teem 3 -0

the keys of EXCELLENCE"!!

2009-05-27T05:46:00.001-07:00

Well every one, its a new day and all that implies, new jobs, new homes, new friends and people to work with... New Life!
Pray for me and my new teem that we can get everything done in God's time.
I like to ask the Lord for personal keys for various challenges so he gave me this one for the new situation.
New Key:
Call on the keys or growth and change and rise to the occasion in full faith. When you put Me on the spot and trust me for your future I combine these two keys for the best results to help you reach EXCELLENCE in all your new objectives.
I lOVE YOU GUYS!

mARIE Clay

Monday

2009-05-08T09:52:00.000-07:00

How bout a sprightly, young man with that free day?
Joe and I found great pleasure in snapping shots of each other, the scenery was perfect and the sun emphasized the golden glow in Joe's eyes. I'm going to have as much fun posting these as I did taking them.

I really like this one on the tracks. Photos are a great way to explore each other, it's a lot of fun but there is also something very humbling about it.

So hansom. (twinkle twinkle!)

What could be more rewarding?

2009-05-06T12:42:00.000-07:00

Christina Good has applied herself to working with teens and young adults for year . Today she receives her first award at the Annual Appreciation banquet sponsored by Bexar County department of Corrections. It officially acknowledges the love and commitment her work entails. but we never needed a plaque did we mom?
"This might be my " Obra Prima" Ministry (beside raising you kids..." she said over chat.
She met with three Judges and is being asked to give counseling to not only the Juveniles but the guards responsible for their care.

Mom and her Captain, Chaplain Al Logan.

Prior to her work, mom received 21 years of working with Juvenile delinquents aka, sons, who are as thrilled about the reward as she. (no pun intended Marty)

Photo of mom at home with her award.

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